6 Truths to Comfort Hurting Families in a Broken World and a GIVEAWAY!

It’s my privilege to introduce Dena Yohe, award winning author of You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids. I met Dena at a writers conference and was immediately attracted to her calm, warm demeanor and soothing voice. Dena has been a hurting parent and runs a ministry designed to comfort hurting parents. I’ve learned much from her words of wisdom, and I pray you glean some understanding from her post.

GIVEAWAY – I am giving away Dena’s book! See bottom of post for drawing information.

We live in a broken world full of hurting families. This reality hit hard several years ago when my peaceful Sunday morning was harshly interrupted by tragic news. A mass shooting had occurred the night before at a local downtown night club called The Pulse. 49 people were reported dead, 53 wounded. When I heard about the incidence, I was still reeling from more sad news I’d heard twenty-four hours earlier. Christina Grimmie, a young Christian singer (a recent participant on the television program, The Voice) had been shot and killed by a fan following a performance. My thoughts were immediately drawn to the bereaved parents of all these victims.

What were they going through? Shock, denial, anger, sorrow, overwhelming loss. I moaned inwardly for them. Since then, tragedies in our country and around the world have increased. We hear about them on the news and social media all the time: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and more. Violence and more violence. Hate and more hate. Grief upon grief.

The wicked will continue to be wicked (Daniel 12:10).

Suffering and heartbreak are inescapable.

As a mom, I can’t imagine the pain of those mothers and fathers, not to mention their extended families. Inconsolable.

I see a similarity with another group of people in our cities and neighborhoods—hurting parents—those whose sons and daughters are still alive, but they’re burdened with severe troubles. They abuse alcohol and drugs. They struggle with pornography. They self-harm in a variety of ways like cutting and eating disorders. They suffer with mental illness (brain disorders). Some are incarcerated and reside in local jails or state prisons. Many live on the edge of society under bridges or in the woods, often suicidal. Their parents carry unimaginable amounts of loss and sadness.

I know. I was one of those parents.

For over ten years one of my adult children struggled with substance abuse, self-injury, mental health issues, suicidal thoughts and more. I can tell you from personal experience, when a child struggles like this, the entire family suffers. My husband and I experienced many of the same feelings as the parents whose children died in those tragedies. If you’re a hurting parent, do you know you’re grieving? We didn’t.

These 6 Truths Comforted Us In Our Brokenness:

1. As long as your child is still breathing, there’s still hope. Never give up. Anything is possible with God. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God . . . (Ps. 42:5).
2. God is still in control, even when things look bad. He’s always at work, even though you can’t see any evidence. Keep trusting. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you (Psalm 9:9-10).
3. There’s help for you and your child. Ask for help and accept it. Reach out to let a few trustworthy people into your pain—a caring friend, counselor, clergy, or support group. Great resources and the community of faith can make a big difference. May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help…and grant you support…(Psalm 20:1-5).
4. Real comfort can be found in the Bible. The book of Psalms and the words of Jesus in the gospels are wonderful. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 41:10, NIV. Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will help you, I will strengthen you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
5. Cry out to God in prayer. Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children . . . (Lamentations 2:19). When faith is weak, ask others to pray. Their intercessions are a lifeline. Call centers are good, too, providing trained volunteers who will listen and pray with anyone in need around the clock, even on holidays. Two trustworthy ones are: HopeForTheHeart.org  and TheHopeLine.com
6. Be gentle with yourself. Stop torturing yourself, wondering what you did wrong. Don’t accept all the blame. No one is perfect. Learn to refuse guilt and not hide in shame. You did your best. Whatever your part was admit it, ask forgiveness where appropriate, and move on in freedom. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy (Psalm 94: 18-19).

The Illusion of Perfection

Because our children suffer—so do we. Their pain breaks our hearts. Yet no one understands unless they’ve traveled this path themselves. Embarrassment isolates us. We suffer alone—in silence. We hide behind masks of guilt and shame. They keep us from letting anyone know our secret. Our lips are sealed.

Why is it that in the church, where we should be our most authentic selves, we pretend everything’s fine? We work hard to protect reputations—ours and our child’s—especially if we hold a leadership position. Heaven forbid if someone discovered our family wasn’t perfect. What would they think? Why do we persist in believing we’re immune from trouble? Perfection is an illusion. Look at Genesis 3. Even God’s first family was a mess. Why do we think we deserve any better?

The truth is we’re dying inside. But we’ll never let you see our pain. Our emotions are too raw and to be honest, we’re scared to tell you the truth. You might not like us anymore if you knew.

But when a crisis finally occurs the awful truth comes to light and we’re devastated. Powerless and helpless, we feel as though our child has died.

We tried, but we couldn’t save them. We couldn’t prevent the bad from coming.

And now we grieve like those families whose children were killed.

We mourn the loss of our hopes and dreams. The shattered pieces lay at our feet. Nothing makes sense. No answers can be found that satisfy our tormenting questions. Our lives have been permanently altered. Everything has changed.

We’ll never be the same.

What Hurting Parents Need

Most of us aren’t sure how to comfort someone who’s grieving—unless we’ve walked in their shoes. But we can learn. We can do better. We were designed to need each other.

The broken families in our churches, in our communities—they matter.

The comfort, compassion, and listening ear we give to another hurting soul are beautiful gifts inspired by our heavenly Father. Let’s give them more often and more freely. We can be creative and find meaningful ways, even during a pandemic and quarantines.

We need our faith-filled, supportive, praying friends more than ever; a caring hug, a gentle touch—remember those? An empathetic smile, a listening, non-judgmental ear; an encouraging word through an email, text, card or phone call expressing empathy are invaluable. After COVID, an invitation to coffee or lunch would be awesome.

Dear friend, if Jesus gave his life so that we could survive the earthshaking, heartbreaking experiences of ours, let’s commit ourselves to excel in bearing one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and in loving our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31).

Bring Him what’s broken in your life. He understands. He cares. He’ll comfort you in ways you never imagined.

*You can connect with Dena at dena@HopeForHurtingParents.com

GIVEAWAY INFO: I’m so excited to send Dena’s book You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids to one winner!

Here is how to enter the drawing:

1. If you have not subscribed for updates, subscribe now. (Scroll to bottom of screen & enter name & email & hit the subscribe button.)
2. Share this post on your social media platform. Your name is entered for each post.
3. Refer this website to your friends through an email.
4. Send me a message at hopefulmom619@gmail.com or comment on this post and tell me all the ways you entered the drawing.

Drawing Deadline: February 13, 2021