betrayal trauma Archives

I am over-the-top thrilled to have Dr. Sheri Keffer here with us. Her book, Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, changed my life. While the book is primarily for wives who’ve experienced betrayal, the information also pertains to parents who’ve experienced betrayal. The following post, first published on Dr. Sheri Keffer’s website, is applicable to both spouses and parents. I’m sure you’ll find the article informative and transformative. ~Barb

Several months ago I was driving on the freeway. From the corner of my eye I noticed a car coming directly toward me. It was surreal. In a fraction of a second I was broadsided – no fault of my own. I just happened to be in the wrong lane at the wrong time.

It was unavoidable. The car crossed ALL four lanes in a horrible attempt to exit the freeway. My car was white. They didn’t see me. On impact, I saw black.

When we discover a child has been watching pornography we usually focus our attention on how to deal with the presenting problem: How do I help my child stop watching porn? While we notice the effect the news has on us—hurt, anger, guilt, shock, panic, anxiety, sadness, confusion—we typically try to push those feelings aside because the urgency of the situation demands we maintain our composure as best we can. We cannot stop parenting simply because we have our own trauma to tend to.

It was several years into my son’s ordeal before I read about the effects of betrayal trauma, the damage to a relationship experienced because of a betrayal. But even though I hadn’t heard the term or couldn’t enumerate all the ramifications his betrayal had on me, I remember being stunned that he had lied to me and deceived me.

Tag: betrayal trauma

The Four Lane Freeway

The Impact of Betrayal Trauma