“The root of joy is gratefulness… It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” ― Brother David Steindl-Rast[i]

Parenting is fulfilling. But it’s also relentless, scary, and full of disappointments. Days are long. Tasks are repetitive. Problems are nonstop. If we’re not careful, months pass without a pleasant thought, and our mental health spirals. Add a child who makes unhealthy choices, and we can collapse into a trance-like state pretty quickly. We squash our lofty goals into one: simply making it through each day.

Several years ago, I read One Thousand Gifts. I learned the power of thankfulness. On a dare, the author, Ann Voskamp, began a Gift List. Not of gifts she wanted, but of gifts she already had. And it transformed her life. She learned that deep joy is “found at the table of thanksgiving.”[ii] Over time, Voskamp wrote one thousand gifts she saw or experienced, and joy replaced despair.

With the Month of Gratitude at hand, let’s explore how we can demonstrate a thankful attitude, even during the sometimes difficult task of parenting. Then we’ll explore benefits of parenting with gratitude.

Tips to an Attitude of Gratitude

Observe – I’m learning to lift my eyes and look around. To peek over problems and look beyond the immediate issue. When my printer breaks down, I’m thankful to own a printer. When I’m interrupted for the fourteenth time, I’m grateful for family, friends, and colleagues who think of me. And when my child falters or hurts, I thank God for their life and my availability.

Shift Perspective – Photography makes me happy. When I look through the lens, I’m forced to see the world from a different angle. Where is the best lighting? What if I crouch or stand on my toes? How does that change my perspective and help me understand the subject matter better? My favorite photos show a deeper story, capturing more than what’s apparent. Searching for the perfect photo compels me to find beauty in the midst of ugliness. We can do the same in any situation. Rather than focusing on the glaring ugliness, we can search for the beauty in our circumstances.

When overwhelmed, we can remember a time when we were content or create a list of things we appreciate. House, food, clothing, job, etc. This reminds us that not every little thing is doom and gloom.

Examine Details – Sometimes we have to search for a small detail – something minute – to ignite our thankfulness. When the baby cries for hours, we’re grateful she has lungs that work and a way to communicate. When a teen complains, we remind ourselves of one positive characteristic he possesses.

Pause to Thank – When we notice our emotions are unstable, we can intentionally pause and take a moment to reflect on what we appreciate. Refer to that list I talked about in “Shift Perspective.” I consistently thank God for what He’s allowed in my life and what He’s teaching me through my trials.

Embrace Grace – Fear, worry, and anxiety rob us of joy. Offering grace to ourselves and those around us chases these away. When we choose forgiveness and drop control, we become more gracious and thankful. And we are more joyful.

Benefits of Parenting with Gratitude

Healthier Relationships – When we search for personality traits in others that we appreciate and maintain a grace-filled attitude, our relationships are strengthened. We approach situations with a calmer presence which decreases tension in a conflict. This is especially helpful on those parenting days we feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated.

Improved Mental Health – When we are thankful, we are less stressed, less anxious, and less likely to be depressed. We are happier.

Improved Physical Health – When we are grateful, we sleep better and have better immune systems. We get sick less often and are more active.

Increased Productivity – When we see the positive around us, our spirits are lifted. Therefore, we are more productive.

An Infectious Attitude – Attitudes that reflect joyfulness and gratefulness are contagious. My husband noticed my thankful attitude and the residual effects. He now pauses and expresses gratitude during trying moments more often than he had. When we are parenting with gratitude, expressing thankfulness either outwardly or inwardly, our children notice. And whether they realize it or not, our disposition rubs off on them.

Parenting can be depressing if we allow it. But raising children also has rewards. We can pause and ponder the personality traits in our children that make them special and choose to reflect on their behaviors that fill us with gladness. We can contemplate past interactions that made us smile. Then broaden our list by examining our surroundings and thanking God for our possessions. We can meditate on the people in our life and how each positively influences us. Let’s continue our list throughout the day and into tomorrow and next week. And reap the benefits.

I’m excited to announce that the audio version of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships is on sale at audiobooks. Use this link before 12/1/24 for 60% OFF. . . . While Christmas shopping, check out the family games suggestions on this page, and pick up a copy of Sexpectations for a mom you know.

[i] Goodreads. (n.d.). A quote by David Steindl-Rast. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/286508-the-root-of-joy-is-gratefulness-it-is-not-joy-that

[ii] Voskamp, A. (2010). One Thousand gifts: A dare to live fully right where you are. Zondervan.