Blog - Page 9 of 13 - HOPEFUL MOM

June 28, 2021June 29, 2021

Understanding Daughters and Pornography

I am super excited to introduce this guest. Jessica Harris, author of Beggar’s Daughter: From the Rags of Pornography to the Riches of Grace, has an amazing reputation as one of the first women to speak up about her pornography problem – paving the way for other women to come clean. Through her website and speaking engagements, she equips women who struggle with pornography and helps parents of daughters understand this is not just a male issue. I admire Jessica and her willingness to be a leader in this area. I’m sure you will glean some great information from this article.

I first found pornography when I was 13 years old. What started as honest research for school, became a defining moment in my life. As I scrolled through scientific video clips, a dark thumbnail caught my eye. I clicked on it and stared in awe and terror at the scenes of violent hardcore pornography playing in front of me. When I attempted to close the window, more popped up. Within minutes, I was ushered onto a webpage filled with hardcore pornography, and my world forever changed.

June 15, 2021June 15, 2021

The Impact of Betrayal Trauma

When we discover a child has been watching pornography we usually focus our attention on how to deal with the presenting problem: How do I help my child stop watching porn? While we notice the effect the news has on us—hurt, anger, guilt, shock, panic, anxiety, sadness, confusion—we typically try to push those feelings aside because the urgency of the situation demands we maintain our composure as best we can. We cannot stop parenting simply because we have our own trauma to tend to.

It was several years into my son’s ordeal before I read about the effects of betrayal trauma, the damage to a relationship experienced because of a betrayal. But even though I hadn’t heard the term or couldn’t enumerate all the ramifications his betrayal had on me, I remember being stunned that he had lied to me and deceived me.

May 31, 2021May 28, 2021

What is Revenge Porn?

I sat down with Candice Dugger of Bullied Broken Redeemed to talk about revenge porn. The following is a summary of our conversation. To watch the entire interview, visit this link.

Candice Dugger is mom to two. She transitioned her children from public school to home school after almost losing her oldest son to suicide due to horrific in-person bullying at school, cyberbullying, and game bullying at home.

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

Your Child’s Pornography Use Does Not Define You

I’ve had bad days. Recently I got a flat on the way home from dropping my mom at the airport. I don’t know how to fix a flat or change a tire. Nor do I want to know. Thankfully, the air in the tire let out slowly, the indicator light came on, and we were in a town (although I couldn’t tell you which town, since I was blindly following Google maps). I pulled into a Circle K/Hardee’s combo and searched for a Good Samaritan. Within an hour a knowledgeable and generous gentleman had fixed the flat, and we were back on the road.

As bad days go, this one was mild. A minor bump in the proverbial road. I was grateful I was on my way home from the airport and hadn’t caused anyone to miss a flight. I was also thankful I didn’t need to be anywhere in particular. But I haven’t always maintained a positive outlook when my schedule has been disrupted with these types of inconveniences. I’ve matured with age. I’ve learned not to allow trivial changes in plans to upset my attitude.

A bad day does not define me. A bad day does not define you.

May 3, 2021December 12, 2021

Learning to Respond Differently to Pornography

I’m privileged to welcome Mandy Majors as a guest author. I love Mandy’s down-to-earth, matter-of-fact, easygoing way of addressing hard topics. She is passionate about creating a culture of open communication and honest conversation in homes, churches and schools to keep kids safe in a digital world – and this attitude is reflected in her podcast and writings. Her popular podcast, nextTalk, is a must-listen for today’s parents.

One morning as we were getting ready for school, my daughter asked a question I wasn’t prepared for. It was highly sexualized. This was not a “where do babies come from” question. I didn’t know this “thing” existed until I was a nineteen-year-old college student. She was NINE!

April 19, 2021April 12, 2021

Pornography and Sexuality

A few conversations I’ve had recently, along with my last post written by John Fort, caused me to think about my past, my thoughts on sex, and the connection between pornography and sexuality. Is one connected to the other? (Spoiler alert: Yes!) If so, how has pornography affected my views on sex and sexuality, and how does watching pornography affect my child’s views?

Before we can help our children and the choices they face, we need to analyze our views and thoughts on our own sexuality. Understanding our hang-ups and the reasoning behind them, and our current viewpoint and basis for those beliefs help us have clearer, deeper, and honest, albeit difficult, conversations with our children.

April 5, 2021July 21, 2022

Explaining God’s Design for Sex to Children & Teens

It’s my privilege to introduce John Fort, my guest blogger. I met John at a Safeguard Alliance meeting and love his message and his heart. I read his book Honest Talk: A New Perspective on Talking to Your Kids About Sex and was challenged to have more direct, specific conversations with my children especially regarding God’s design for sex. The feelings charts, conversation guides, and activities in the book are extremely helpful. I love his direct approach and think you will find this post a great resource.

Explaining God’s design for sex to our children can be a scary proposition. Few of us feel confident with the subject, and many fear it may strain our relationship with our child. However, when done with empathy, these conversations usually draw our kids closer to us.

March 22, 2021March 23, 2021

Pornography in a Pandemic

I saw photos of my daughter and me moving my son out of his dorm room a year ago. They reminded me of the sadness and uncertainty I felt.

As we pass the anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic declaration and walk through other anniversaries – quarantining, masks, intimate Easter celebrations at home, ordering groceries online, and learning the full meaning of Zoom meetings – it’s only fitting to reflect on how our households have changed in regard to technology and our response to everything online, as well as the dynamics within our homes. How have we grown? How have we regressed? And what about pornography in a pandemic?

March 8, 2021March 8, 2021

The Fallacy of Neutrality — and a GIVEAWAY!

It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Lisa Frost. I recently read the book she and her husband, Jason, wrote, and was impressed with their extensive knowledge and research. I appreciate their input and insight to today’s digital age and how it affects teens. And, I’m sure you’ll glean some information from the following post. Be sure to read to the end to find out how to enter the drawing to win their book, The Glass Between Us.

“Saying no to porn is not just a choice; it’s a statement of who I am and where I am going.”
Jason Frost

Who turned the gravity up on this generation? I remember when two of my freshmen students, Ben and Jenna, nervously approached my desk. They struggled to find the right words, but they had courage and spoke up. Ben went first, “I told Kerry I didn’t want to see those pictures!” What was he getting at, I wondered? What pictures? Ben stammered, “I really didn’t want to look at them, but it’s so hard when they are right there on my phone.” Kerry had been sending nudes. You could see the weight on Ben’s face. He was deeply burdened. Jenna went on to share that Kerry, their classmate, was not well. She was severely depressed and if things got bleak enough, she told them she had something in her purse to end it all.

February 21, 2021December 28, 2023

The Importance of Self-Care

Who has time for self-care when their child is struggling? As parents, we tend to put everyone else first, neglecting our own well-being. We take on guilt and lose our individuality. We assume we’ll have time to take care of ourselves after the crisis has passed. But while we’re frantically patching up the problems on the outside, our insides are deteriorating.

This week, I join Marilyn Evans at ParentsAward/Media Savvy Mom on a podcast to talk about the importance of self-care, especially when our child is in a crisis. Head over to the podcast here and listen to us discuss the importance of self-care. The show notes are listed below to give you a taste of what you’ll learn.