Parenting Archives - Page 8 of 12

September 6, 2021September 6, 2021

Protecting Your Castle

When I first saw Rachelle’s castle, I was impressed. I think it’s an inspiring way to illustrate how to protect your home and your children from pornography. Even though parenting in a digital world cannot end with filters and parental controls (difficult conversations are a must!), I’m so grateful Rachelle is joining us here to straighten us out and explain these levels of protection. ~Barb

According to a study cited in Andy Crouch’s fantastic book The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place, technology is the number one reason parents believe raising kids is more complicated than it was in the past. Between being concerned about what our kids are seeing to worrying about how much time they are spending on devices, it can feel like we are fighting a losing battle. Plus, technology is constantly changing and staying on top of what is out there can be confusing, overwhelming, and challenging.

August 23, 2021August 22, 2021

Sleep and Rest: Self-Care Musts

Our last day of vacation. We were leaving in a few hours. My family took off in one direction for a big breakfast. But I headed to the public square for a coffee and piece of carrot cake.

I meandered into the central park of Antigua, Guatemala and watched it come alive. Vendors set up their wares while tourists and locals grabbed a bite to eat and took selfies by the fountain. Lovers held hands or kissed on the park benches. A photographer snapped photos of a graduate in her cap and gown.

July 27, 2021July 24, 2021

IDENTIFY THE ROOT ISSUES OF PORN USE

I met Krista when we were both speakers at an online conference for thehopeline last Spring. When I saw her session, I felt the compassion she has for teen girls. She listens to them, equips them, and offers them hope through Girl Above. I asked her to talk with the parents here, and I love how she especially encourages us to look beyond the behavior and identify the root issues of porn use.

If you are a parent in 2021 and have a child over the age of 8 years old, there is a huge chance you are struggling to navigate your child’s exposure to or use of pornography. This does not make you a bad parent; this makes you a 2021 parent. Unfortunately, for the first time in the history of the world, our children carry a free and unlimited drug in their pocket. This drug is internet pornography, and their access to smartphones has made the problem nearly impossible to address. In 2019 there were over 33 trillion views on porn sites. The train has left the station, and parents are now just trying to keep up.

After ten years of working with teens, my best advice for parents is to look WAY beyond the behavior and identify the root issues motivating the behavior. Once you have identified the root causes, become someone with whom your child can have in-depth conversations to address and heal those areas of their life.

July 12, 2021July 13, 2021

Celebrate the Wins

My daughter stepped onto the javelin runway. The field appeared to be marked incorrectly, but she was determined to be in the top six and claim her place at nationals.

Her warm up throw sailed out of the sector (the area inside the lines indicating if the javelin lands “inbounds” or not). Her brother walked over and coached her on how to correct her throw to accommodate the wonky lines. For her, a leftie, this proved to be more difficult than the rest of the competitors because the makeshift right line was blowing in the wind, altering what was “inbounds” as the direction of the wind changed.

June 28, 2021June 29, 2021

Understanding Daughters and Pornography

I am super excited to introduce this guest. Jessica Harris, author of Beggar’s Daughter: From the Rags of Pornography to the Riches of Grace, has an amazing reputation as one of the first women to speak up about her pornography problem – paving the way for other women to come clean. Through her website and speaking engagements, she equips women who struggle with pornography and helps parents of daughters understand this is not just a male issue. I admire Jessica and her willingness to be a leader in this area. I’m sure you will glean some great information from this article.

I first found pornography when I was 13 years old. What started as honest research for school, became a defining moment in my life. As I scrolled through scientific video clips, a dark thumbnail caught my eye. I clicked on it and stared in awe and terror at the scenes of violent hardcore pornography playing in front of me. When I attempted to close the window, more popped up. Within minutes, I was ushered onto a webpage filled with hardcore pornography, and my world forever changed.

June 15, 2021June 15, 2021

The Impact of Betrayal Trauma

When we discover a child has been watching pornography we usually focus our attention on how to deal with the presenting problem: How do I help my child stop watching porn? While we notice the effect the news has on us—hurt, anger, guilt, shock, panic, anxiety, sadness, confusion—we typically try to push those feelings aside because the urgency of the situation demands we maintain our composure as best we can. We cannot stop parenting simply because we have our own trauma to tend to.

It was several years into my son’s ordeal before I read about the effects of betrayal trauma, the damage to a relationship experienced because of a betrayal. But even though I hadn’t heard the term or couldn’t enumerate all the ramifications his betrayal had on me, I remember being stunned that he had lied to me and deceived me.

May 31, 2021May 28, 2021

What is Revenge Porn?

I sat down with Candice Dugger of Bullied Broken Redeemed to talk about revenge porn. The following is a summary of our conversation. To watch the entire interview, visit this link.

Candice Dugger is mom to two. She transitioned her children from public school to home school after almost losing her oldest son to suicide due to horrific in-person bullying at school, cyberbullying, and game bullying at home.

May 3, 2021December 12, 2021

Learning to Respond Differently to Pornography

I’m privileged to welcome Mandy Majors as a guest author. I love Mandy’s down-to-earth, matter-of-fact, easygoing way of addressing hard topics. She is passionate about creating a culture of open communication and honest conversation in homes, churches and schools to keep kids safe in a digital world – and this attitude is reflected in her podcast and writings. Her popular podcast, nextTalk, is a must-listen for today’s parents.

One morning as we were getting ready for school, my daughter asked a question I wasn’t prepared for. It was highly sexualized. This was not a “where do babies come from” question. I didn’t know this “thing” existed until I was a nineteen-year-old college student. She was NINE!

April 19, 2021April 12, 2021

Pornography and Sexuality

A few conversations I’ve had recently, along with my last post written by John Fort, caused me to think about my past, my thoughts on sex, and the connection between pornography and sexuality. Is one connected to the other? (Spoiler alert: Yes!) If so, how has pornography affected my views on sex and sexuality, and how does watching pornography affect my child’s views?

Before we can help our children and the choices they face, we need to analyze our views and thoughts on our own sexuality. Understanding our hang-ups and the reasoning behind them, and our current viewpoint and basis for those beliefs help us have clearer, deeper, and honest, albeit difficult, conversations with our children.

April 5, 2021July 21, 2022

Explaining God’s Design for Sex to Children & Teens

It’s my privilege to introduce John Fort, my guest blogger. I met John at a Safeguard Alliance meeting and love his message and his heart. I read his book Honest Talk: A New Perspective on Talking to Your Kids About Sex and was challenged to have more direct, specific conversations with my children especially regarding God’s design for sex. The feelings charts, conversation guides, and activities in the book are extremely helpful. I love his direct approach and think you will find this post a great resource.

Explaining God’s design for sex to our children can be a scary proposition. Few of us feel confident with the subject, and many fear it may strain our relationship with our child. However, when done with empathy, these conversations usually draw our kids closer to us.