Do Girls Actually Watch Pornography?

These amazing ladies caught my eye on Instagram. Their bold messages, desire to see girls set free from porn addiction, and, frankly, their great reels, are superb. Be sure to stop by their IG account and hit follow. I’m so grateful they agreed to talk with us about girls and pornography. I’m sure you’ll find their story and advice invaluable.

Katie and Amanda became best friends in 9th grade when they awkwardly sat next to each other in drama class. A deep friendship quickly formed, and they spent almost every moment together. As close as these friends were, there was one massive secret both of them were keeping: They were secretly battling pornography addictions and wouldn’t tell each other until their freshman year of college.

Amanda’s Story

In eighth grade I accidentally stumbled upon an inappropriate video on YouTube. Something happened instantly. I was overcome with this exhilarating feeling. I was young and didn’t know how to process what I saw. It excited me and scared me all at the same time. It planted a seed in my mind that would quickly grow into an addiction.

After becoming desensitized to the videos on YouTube, I decided to Google porn. Over the next year, I watched hardcore pornography videos every day, sometimes multiple times a day. When I realized my mom could access my computer and see my search history, I erased it and began using my brother’s account on the family computer when no one was home. That way, if she saw someone was looking up porn, she would think it was my brother. It would be more “normal,” because I had always heard of teenage guys watching porn, but never girls.

It was never a girl problem.

One day, about a year after I found pornography, I told my mom I accidentally clicked on a virus which opened a bunch of pornographic websites on my computer so she would block them without finding out the truth. She blocked all the websites, and things got better, at least for a little while.

Then I received an iPod Touch for Christmas, aka “easy access to pornography.” The obsession began again, except this time it was different—the enjoyment was only temporary, followed by tears, desperate pleas to God, and feelings of immense regret and shame.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to escape. I didn’t know just how much God would release me from these chains.

Katie’s Story

When I turned 13, my parents gave me an iPod touch for my birthday. I was so excited to use apps, listen to music, and go on the internet whenever I needed. What my parents didn’t know was that pornography was only a click away.

After hearing some kids talking on the school bus about girls kissing, I pulled out my iPod touch that night and curiously googled “girls kissing.” I immediately saw videos and images that made me feel curious, but also really guilty. I quickly put away my iPod and tried to go to sleep.

Feeling confused and ashamed, I finally told my mom what I had seen. She explained that there are some things on the internet that aren’t safe, and we have to be careful when we search certain words. She told me what I had seen was called pornography. This was the first time I had ever heard the word, and I was determined to never be near it again.

After two years of not watching porn, I downloaded Tumblr on my iPod touch to stay connected with friends. I ended up accidentally finding pornographic images, and my curiosity was stronger than my guilt. I started actively searching for more, which led to videos and darker content. This was the start of an addiction to pornography that followed me into college.

During my freshman year of college, I felt nudged to share with someone what I was going through. While internally arguing with God, my friend passed me a note that read, “Want to talk after church?” I was completely shocked. I knew God wanted me to be vulnerable and share my deepest, darkest secret. Through many tears, I spilled everything. She quietly listened, and then said, “I still love you. Jesus still loves you. You’re going to be okay.” Again, I was shocked. She didn’t think I was disgusting. She still wanted to be my friend. I felt like I was finally going to get out of this.

The very next day, my best friend since 9th grade texted me saying she had something to tell me, but was worried about what I would think of her. Amanda told me she had been addicted to porn since she was 13 and didn’t know what to do anymore. My jaw dropped. I started shaking in disbelief. My very best friend, who I had known this entire time, was in the exact same situation as me.

We weren’t alone anymore. We each had someone to be vulnerable with, to be encouraged by, and to walk through something we never thought we’d get through.

I never felt comfortable sharing this part of me with my mom because I was consumed by guilt and shame. I was afraid of what she would think of me and how she would react. In reality, she would have comforted me and helped me find safety settings on my devices.

I am now a parent of a two-year-old with one on the way, and I want my kids to know what pornography is before they search for it. I hope to create a safe space for my kids, giving them the opportunity to ask questions, shame free. I pray my kids will know I have their backs no matter what, and we have the courage to talk about the hard stuff.

Our Advice to Parents

Parents, you have the amazing, rewarding, and challenging job of keeping your children safe in this increasingly digital world. Here are a few pieces of advice to help you navigate the epidemic of pornography that exists in your children’s world today:

1. Talk to them at a young age. The average age a child is exposed to pornography is 11, with some exposed as young as 5. Some parents are afraid they will be the ones to introduce the concept of porn to their children. This should not be your fear. This should be your hope. If you don’t teach them about pornography, someone else will. Establish yourself as a safe person to talk to early.
2. Have frequent conversations. Your conversation about porn should not be a one-and-done situation. It should be ongoing and age-appropriate as your child grows older. Continue to remind them you are a safe person to talk to if they are exposed to pornography.
3. Understand the technology your children have. Technology is constantly changing. Understanding the virtual world in which your children live will help you better understand how to protect them.
4. Acknowledge that both girls and boys are at risk of exposure to pornography. This is not just a boy’s issue. Speak to your daughters about pornography, too.
5. Do not make assumptions about your child. Don’t assume your child has never or will never watch porn because they are “a good kid.” Your trust for your child does not eliminate the fact that pornography is everywhere and they are at risk every single day of accidentally seeing or being shown pornography. Your child might be the most trustworthy child on the planet, but they live in a broken world.
6. Meet them with love, understanding, compassion, and grace. If your child confesses porn use to you, smother them with love and grace. You have no idea how much shame they probably feel. They do not need a lecture. They need love and support. They need to know you will never stop loving them, no matter what they do.

Other posts about girls and pornography: Understanding Daughters & Pornography and A Safe Rebellion.

About the author

Katie & Amanda

Co-Founders | Website | + posts

Katie and Amanda are co-founders of The Victory Collective, an online women’s ministry to help girls and women overcome pornography and sexual shame. Even though our experience was incredibly difficult, we thank God that He brought us into each other’s lives and put The Victory Collective on our hearts.

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