I met Ken Anderson a few months ago and instantly knew he was a good guy and would be a great friend—one like he describes in this post. He has a heart for college students who struggle with pornography and has a fabulous program to help them. In this post, Ken helps us parents understand the difference between a dawg (true friend) and a dog (more of a fan). As parents, we want to lean toward being a true friend to our children, rather than a fan. Great words of wisdom.
Pepper is her name and pooping anywhere other than outside is her game. At least that’s been the case lately. I love our 4-year-old pit mix. I, and I alone. (My wife Liz is pretty much out on her.) She’s spunky, cute, funny, and always down to cuddle while I’m watching a show or reading a good book. (I’m still talking about Pepper, just to clarify; although, many of these adjectives also describe Liz). But, she’s also a good ol’ fashioned stinker. She steals food when we aren’t looking, sneaks in licks of our toddler whenever she can (he hates it, and screams), and mischievously takes off with any and all items that aren’t hers and chews them up without any regard for the owner of said item.
Truth be told, I despised Pepper when we first got her. Liz wanted a dog. I didn’t. And she was a bad dog. But in a tale as old as time, Liz soon started to find Pepper irritating, and I fell in love with her. While Liz can see every wrong Pepper commits, I struggle to see anything she does as anything but adorable (except for pooping in the house, of course).
Best Friend?
Now obviously Pepper doesn’t fit the mold for the type of dog that could be your best friend. As cute as she is, she’s a nuisance (I’m not so blind with love that I can’t see a least some of the truth), but I want to process why the saying ‘A dog is man’s best friend’ likely came about. Dogs are loyal, affectionate, loving, and quick to forget our foibles. We can yell at them one minute, and the next they’re back in our laps, lovingly gazing into our eyes. When we get home from work, they bound with the enthusiasm of a late freight train to the door to welcome us home. With dogs, we can do no wrong. And this is why they shouldn’t be our best friends.
A Real Friend
Proverbs 27:6 says, ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.’ A real friend tells you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear, even when it hurts. How many friends do you have like that? In my experience they are few and far between. What makes them so valuable is that they love you so much they are willing to wound you with an important truth in the moment, even if it negatively affects your friendship for a time, to set you up for long-term success in the future. As Liz likes to say, we always need someone in our lives who ‘isn’t impressed with us.’ We need someone who knows our story, knows our mistakes, knows our ongoing issues, and who will push us to be better, all while loving us, encouraging us, praying for us, and rooting for us.
When it comes to sexual purity, as a mentor, I haven’t met many men who are in a good place with it. Most say they are ‘doing ok,’ and want to leave it at that. And I get it. I used to answer the same way (if I was even willing to acknowledge it was a struggle at all). In addition, some say they’re doing ‘pretty good,’ but when I ask them what ‘pretty good’ means, their standard seems much lower than God’s (Ephesians 5:3 ‘But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immortality, or of any kind of impurity…’). Again, I can relate.
Be a Dawg, Not a Dog
So, where does this leave us? In a world saturated with pornography, unwanted sexual behaviors, shame, and silence, we need more dawgs, and fewer dogs. Let me explain: I define “dog” as the type of person who always loves you and never challenges or tells you what you need to hear. Like a fan.
I define “dawg” as friends, peers, and mentors who always love you and are willing to challenge you, push you for your good, and tell you what you need to hear.
If the stats are true, most teens have seen pornography or will soon. Kids need our guidance. They need us to address it. ~ Ken Anderson, Friend or Fan? Dawg or Dog? Which Are You? #fightthenewdrug #onlinesafety #healthyrelationships Share on XIf you’re a parent, grandparent, mentor, leader, or educator, you can be a dawg by doing a little barking and speaking up. If the statistics are true, most teens have seen pornography or will soon. Those looking to us, like our kids, need our guidance. They need us to address it. And we can do so by simply, humbly, and kindly starting the conversation: “Hey, I want to ask you something, and it might feel a little uncomfortable, but I really care about you and so I’m going to ask. And I want you to know that however you answer, I’m going to love you and care about you. Have you seen pornography?”
Will they answer? Will they run away? Will they ever talk to you again?! Honestly, I don’t know. But, I do know that silence can’t be the answer anymore if we truly care about them.
The goal is to start the conversation. Bark (in a loving way) just a little bit. That’s it. You can’t get to point B before you start at point A. Just start the conversation.
If you’d like some help either before or after starting the conversation, and need a dawg who knows what she’s doing, Barb Winters is a wonderful and encouraging guide you can turn to for help.
Let’s be dawgs.
If you suspect your child has a pornography problem or want more specifics on starting conversations with a child about pornography and its dangers, consider the What Do I Do Now? downloadable PDF at the shop page.
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