Comparing Healthy Sexuality, Purity Culture, and Pornified Mindsets

Some of Hopeful Mom’s readers are Christians. Some aren’t. Whether you subscribe to a Christian theology or not, this post from guest Cody Moen of Restoring Hearts Counseling can help you understand other viewpoints. The chart at the end contains especially helpful information regarding the difference between a pornified mindset, a purity culture mindset, and a healthy sexuality mindset. Thank you, Cody, for your insight.

One of the most common Bible verses repeated in addiction recovery material is Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” Renewal of the mind occurs through reading, hearing, and doing God’s Word, baptism, and the sacraments. The mind is renewed as the former way of life without Jesus is put to death and a new way of life is lived out.

My own life is an example of this small bit of theology played out in the real world.

Renewal can occur in small ways, such as the way we speak. Before I knew Jesus my language, at best, was “colorful,” as it was shaped by secular, public school culture and life in the military. After I came to believe in Jesus, this colorful language faded and felt more foreign. Until I stub my toes, of course.

Renewal can occur in huge ways, also, such as completely altered lives. Before I knew Jesus, I detached from any intimate relationships, isolated, alone, and living in a world of dark, suffering silence. After I came to believe in Jesus, this renewal occurred over several years and is ongoing today. Now I have more relationships than ever. I’m connected and have been experiencing grace upon grace.

Renewal and transformation to be conformed to the image of God is good and should be pursued as in a race. Yet, this race a Christian runs can be sidelined by “well-intentioned” teachings that are actually harmful. Purity culture is an example of a well-intentioned teaching that may have done more harm than good.

Purity Culture

I did not experience purity culture growing up—having been a heathen (I say this amusingly) most of my life—so I was not in church often enough to see it. What I have heard from Christians about purity culture, however, makes me glad I did not experience it. From what I gather, purity culture started sometime in the 1990’s to the early 2000’s with a good, solid goal of encouraging sexual abstinence until marriage. Somewhere along the line, however, sexual abstinence became “sexual purity” instead. Sexual thoughts and feelings were bad (read, “impure”) and made a Christian sexually impure. Sexual thoughts, feelings, and anything resembling them had to be stopped, prevented, and avoided.

"Purity culture's 'renewal of the mind' theology had real world effects . . . unhelpful . . . and damaging." ~ Cody Moens Comparing Healthy Sexuality, Purity Culture, and Pornified Mindsets #fightthenewdrug #purityculture #hopefulmom Share on X

Purity culture’s “renewal of the mind” theology had real world effects, though these effects were, at best, unhelpful and, at worst, damaging. These teachings discouraged young Christian men and women from dating, men had to bounce their eyes from women, women had to dress so as not to tempt men, etc. Sexual feelings were to be suppressed by “making war” upon lust, then somehow, like flipping a switch, embraced when the young Christian man and woman married.

Purity culture fostered an environment where Christian men did not have to take responsibility for their sexual thoughts and actions. At the same time, that responsibility was placed into the hands of women. For both Christian boys and girls, shame increased from the inevitable sexual thoughts and feelings they had as they grew up and went through puberty.

Purity Culture Mindset vs Healthy Sexuality Mindset

Purity culture mindset, though well-intentioned, is not the kind of renewal Romans 12:2 refers to. Sex and sexuality in God’s Word are not to be feared or avoided, as purity culture would teach. They are to be redeemed and cherished as great gifts that God designed them to be in a marriage between a man and woman. For God certainly does not seem as prudish as purity culture when He talks about sex and sexuality. Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages a young man (or young woman) to always take delight, even sexual delight, in his or her spouse. The entirety of Song of Songs is a husband and wife expressing this same delight—and yes, even sexual delight! —for one another.  

Indeed, God does say in that same chapter of Proverbs and in Song of Songs that there are dangers to sex and sexuality. Yet, we have to remember that God created sex and sexuality in the beginning, blessed it, and said it was “very good” (Genesis 1:28, 31). It is sin which distorts God’s good creation and makes sex and sexuality dangerous. Although purity culture may have been well-intentioned about the danger of sexual sin, it confused sin, sex, and sexuality and turned what God created into a wholesale sin.

The Pornified Mind

Let’s consider someone seeking help to overcome a porn or sex addiction. The pornified mind is, most likely, one that is hurting from childhood wounds. This mind is filled with shame and fear, which leads to isolation and hiding who they are from others. Relationships are surface level—if that! —as they objectify others in sexual fantasy for their own needs. A person with this mindset who is, by God’s grace, seeking help is not likely to look for it in a purity culture church.

On the other hand, a church that cherishes God’s gift of sex and sexuality in marriage, while not condoning sexual sin or confusing sin and sex, is a safer, more approachable place for a person seeking help with a porn or sex addiction. Such a place is where God’s Word can deeply renew such a pornified mind. For in such a place they will read, hear, and see in the congregation God’s Word being lived out.

Considering how many Christian men and women struggle with pornography alone, there is a need for transformation and renewal of the Church to no longer conform to purity culture, but to what God says about His creation of sex and sexuality.

(Charts adapted from Husband Material, Drew Boa)

(***Fundamentally good as in, the desire to love and be loved is good. Yet, because of original sin we donot know how to fulfill this desire in Godly ways.)

(***Fundamentally good as in, the desire to love and be loved is good. Yet, because of original sin we donot know how to fulfill this desire in Godly ways.)

When we understand the differences among these mindsets, we gain insight into the minds of the next generation and are able to help them walk away from behaviors that are not healthy and choose only healthy sexual behavior.

For curriculums to help you explain God’s design for sex to your children, visit this page. To schedule a one-on-one appointment with Founder Barb Winters, visit this page.

If you’re new to the Hopeful Mom community, this short video tells a little about us.