Tag: porn

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Ripple Effects of a Child’s Porn Use on Parents

“When my son’s indiscretions surfaced, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and then kicked while down. I was unknowingly in a war zone, and when the bomb exploded, I was hit. The fallout of his conduct landed on me.”[i]

If you’re a parent, grandparent, or sibling of a child who watches (or watched) pornography, you’re likely hurt, sad, and/or mad. You may experience shame and guilt as well. That’s understandable.

Ripple effects of youth who watch pornography extend to those close by.

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A Millennial Talks About Internet Filters, Pornography, and Addiction

“I was first introduced to online sexting with strangers when I was 12 years old through an online video game on my computer.” Austin Couture, now 29, eventually developed an addiction. “I could not stop seeking out pornography and women to chat with online or the obsessive and compulsive masturbation that always went along with it. At one of my lowest points, I felt isolated, alone, confused, faulty and irreparably broken. I believed that I was an emotionless, guilt-ridden zombie that was forever cursed to live in despair with these sexual secrets.”[1] Austin and I met at a Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit and connected further when I was a guest on his podcast. I asked Austin to give us some insight from his perspective on addiction, talking, and using an internet filter. He had the following advice:

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Judy Blume Answered Our Questions, Google Answers Theirs

Judy Blume blog post title

“We must—we must—we must increase our bust!” I grew up reading Judy Blume books. This line from Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret is part of my permanent memory. In the book, Margaret learned a lot about herself and hit puberty in the span of 192 pages. She and her friends were determined to look like the girls they saw in Playboy. They vow to do exercises to increase their bust size while chanting this memorable mantra. Throughout the book they each acquire bras and come of age by finally getting their period.

I learned a lot from Judy Blume while coming of age myself.

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Sexpectations Book Launch Day and Hopeful Mom’s Birthday

Sexpectations Hopeful Mom celebration

Cue the confetti. Sound the trumpets. Let’s celebrate!

Hopeful Mom is 5 years old.

This is the 100th blog post.

AND . . . Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships releases today.

That’s enough to get up and dance.

When I started Hopeful Mom (originally called Difficult Conversations) five years ago, I didn’t know the impact it would have. All I knew was that I had a burden for other parents struggling with pornography in their home and couldn’t stay silent any longer. I wrote under a pen name for two years.

In August 2020, my family gave me permission to use my given name and Hopeful Mom gained traction. In October of that year, I attended a writers conference and, through the conference, landed an agent. In November 2021, I signed a book contract with Leafwood Publisher and . . .

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The Four Lane Freeway

four lane freeway Dr. Sheri Keffer

I am over-the-top thrilled to have Dr. Sheri Keffer here with us. Her book, Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, changed my life.  While the book is primarily for wives who’ve experienced betrayal, the information also pertains to parents who’ve experienced betrayal. The following post, first published on Dr. Sheri Keffer’s website, is applicable to both spouses and parents. I’m sure you’ll find the article informative and transformative. ~Barb

Several months ago I was driving on the freeway. From the corner of my eye I noticed a car coming directly toward me. It was surreal. In a fraction of a second I was broadsided – no fault of my own. I just happened to be in the wrong lane at the wrong time.

It was unavoidable. The car crossed ALL four lanes in a horrible attempt to exit the freeway. My car was white. They didn’t see me. On impact, I saw black.

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10 Tips to Difficult Conversations with Teens and Adult Children

I’m thrilled to introduce guest author, Dawn Ward. I met Dawn through a friend. Her website, The Faith to Flourish, is for women with loved ones struggling with addiction, mental health issues and life-destructive behaviors. As a seasoned parent, Dawn has wisdom for us about talking with our teens and adult children.

It’s difficult to talk to our children when the topics of our conversations make one or both parties squirm. I should know. I have raised two sons who struggled with addiction and destructive behaviors when they were teens and young adults. When they were kids, I could get by with a quick, “Because I said so” as an answer to their requests. Once those words came out of my mouth, they knew the discussion was over. End of argument.

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GIVEAWAY! + 5 Keys to Parenting in a Pornified World

I recently finished reading The Freedom Fight and was impressed with how the author, Ted Shimer, addresses pornography addiction. The Freedom Fight has developed a thorough program for addressing the issue. I highly recommend reading the extensive book and perusing their website. I was so excited that Andrew, Director of Coaching and Onboarding, agreed to write a post for Difficult Conversations. But I was ecstatic when he offered to also give a book to one of our readers. Be sure to read to the end of the post to find out how you can enter the drawing to win a book.

When speaking with parents, there are two groups I interact with most: parents who have caught their kids watching porn and parents who don’t know their kids are secretly watching it. In today’s world, it is easier for an eleven-year-old with a smartphone to access porn lying in bed than to get a glass of water because getting a glass of water requires them to get out of bed. The reality is porn is pervasive, destructive, and addictive. We, as parents, need to be intentional about having ongoing conversations because if we don’t, the world is happy to fill in the blanks for our kid’s questions.

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Four Steps for Parents to Heal from Shame

lady with head in hands shame

Our children feel shame when they watch pornography. But do we, as parents, experience shame? I certainly did.

My friend and I sat at my kitchen table drinking coffee.

She took a sip of her coffee and set her cup on the table. “Your children are amazing. You’ve done such a great job raising them.”

Our children were in the backyard hanging out. This fellow homeschool mom and I were close. Shortly after meeting, we quickly knew about each other’s extended family and history. Whenever we got together, the conversation flowed freely from one topic to another without pause. We laughed together and felt each other’s pain when issues surfaced. I was comfortable when I was around her. But I kept a part of my life hidden.

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Parenting Adult Children: The Magic Age of Eighteen

eighteen year old teen adult child girl

What’s the trick to parenting adult children? Even after two of mine had left home, I still didn’t think I knew the secret.

The summer before my son left for college, I fretted about his wellbeing. Would he make friends? Would he flourish? Would he fail? Would his emotions plummet? Would he fall back into his pornography addiction? Or would he leave that old habit behind? And how involved should I be with his college life?

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