GIVEAWAY! + 5 Keys to Parenting in a Pornified World

I recently finished reading The Freedom Fight and was impressed with how the author, Ted Shimer, addresses pornography addiction. The Freedom Fight has developed a thorough program for addressing the issue. I highly recommend reading the extensive book and perusing their website. I was so excited that Andrew, Director of Coaching and Onboarding, agreed to write a post for Difficult Conversations. But I was ecstatic when he offered to also give a book to one of our readers. Be sure to read to the end of the post to find out how you can enter the drawing to win a book.

When speaking with parents, there are two groups I interact with most: parents who have caught their kids watching porn and parents who don’t know their kids are secretly watching it. In today’s world, it is easier for an eleven-year-old with a smartphone to access porn lying in bed than to get a glass of water because getting a glass of water requires them to get out of bed. The reality is porn is pervasive, destructive, and addictive. We, as parents, need to be intentional about having ongoing conversations because if we don’t, the world is happy to fill in the blanks for our kid’s questions.

Parenting in a pornified world can feel overwhelming and even impossible, and without God’s power, frankly, it is. I want to encourage you as parents to not be afraid of this issue. God’s word is spoken, and God’s word is true. There is a path to righteousness in the scriptures that we can be confident in. This is an opportunity to show our kids that the Bible speaks relevantly to this modern issue. I want to share five key principles to help you navigate parenting in a pornified world.

Deshame the Topic

I have a friend whose twelve-year-old son was on the bus coming home from a school event. Four of his classmates were watching porn on their cell phones at the back of the bus. He had never seen it before and turned away. When he got home, he felt comfortable enough to tell his parents about the situation. Because his parents had deshamed the topic while he was growing up, he felt comfortable to let them know about the bad pictures and videos. He and his parents were able to talk about it and process it in a non-shaming way. If you discover your kids watching porn, don’t freak out and shame them. Instead, let them know you are there to help. Talk about the topic early and often so they know it’s a dangerous issue—one they can talk to you about.

Talk About Sex from the Bible

Helping your kids understand that sex is a gift from God is an important principle to help your kids grow in their biblical conviction of sexuality. Genesis 1:24-27 can be a great starting point. Using the actual words for anatomy is encouraged, but you will need to discern when to use them with your family. A few other verses are: Proverbs 5:18-19 and Matthew 19:6. God designed sex to be enjoyable in the context of marriage. Helping your kids see that sex is about intimacy and not just a physical act (what porn portrays) helps educate your kids and grow their conviction and biblical view. If we don’t talk about sex, our kids will look for answers elsewhere. 

We Need Boundaries to Protect Us

God is a good Father. He has given us boundaries, like a good parent who lives next to a busy street and puts up a fence to protect his kids. God warned us over 2000 years ago of the dangers of visual lust. Matthew 5:27-28 says, “You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” God has given us boundaries in relation to visual lust, not to just keep us from fun, but so we can experience an abundant life. We need to set up boundaries for our kids not to keep them from fun, but to protect them. Explaining the difference to your kids is important. Having an open conversation with them about why you are setting up the boundaries is a great way to deshame this topic. Some example boundaries we have seen parents use effectively are: no private internet access until 16, no downloading apps without parental permission, keeping all phones in living room at night, accountability software on all devices. Remember, rules without a relationship typically lead to rebellion. 

Be Aware of the Sources of Porn

The Freedom Fight surveyed over 1300 college students from 30 different campuses. Of those who considered their faith very important, 9 out of 10 men watch porn and 5 out of 10 women. Of those people, 90% access porn from their smartphone. Be aware of porn sources like social media, video games, unfiltered internet access, YouTube, and other apps. There are some great parenting software options out there. The Freedom Fight has an article explaining the differences between the three most popular here.

Community is Vital

You do not need to navigate parenting in a pornified world alone. Developing community in all situations is important, but navigating this topic can feel especially overwhelming and shaming when you find out your kid is addicted. Hebrews 10: 24-25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together…” Developing relationships with other parents where you can have these honest conversations and be encouraged is so important for both you and your kids. Your kids are not the only ones who are struggling with this; odds are your friends’ kids are too. You may need to be the first person to reach out and voice or educate others in your faith community about this topic so real conversation can begin to happen. Some parents whose kids are friends have agreed to establish some of the same boundaries around when their kids get a smartphone and other areas related to media. This has empowered parents to show their kids they aren’t the only ones. 

You don't need to navigate parenting in a pornified world alone. Develop relationships with other parents. Encourage each other. GIVEAWAY! + 5 Keys to Parenting in a Pornified World #fightthenewdrug #hopefulmom Click To Tweet

Final Remarks

Parenting in a pornified world is not easy. We live in a fallen, broken world. We can’t control or protect our kids from everything they will ever see or look at, but hopefully, with these principles, we can parent in a way that honors Christ and helps our kids see that His way is the truth and the life. 

The Freedom Fight Resources

For parents whose kids are struggling now, the Freedom Fight has tools to help you. 

The Freedom Fight Book

The 30-Day Challenge (Free)

The Freedom Fight Program (Free)

GIVEAWAY!

To enter the drawing for The Freedom Fight: The New Drug and the Truths That Set Us Free, do one or more of the following (one entry for each) and let me know through email, DM or by commenting on this post.

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Entry Deadline: March 28^th, 2022