5 Reasons to GET LOUD About Porn

I am overly excited to introduce Marilyn Evans of ParentsAware/Media Savvy Moms. Marilyn and I met a few short months ago and immediately hit it off. Like me, Marilyn has a heart for parents navigating the perils of parenting in a tech-saturated world. She is a wealth of information, and I am grateful she stopped by to offer her insight to us! I hope after you read, you will GET LOUD about porn, too. ~ Barb

Hello! It’s nice to meet you. What is it you do again? Oh, thanks for asking. I write and speak about the harms of pornography. (Awkward pause.) Is that weird? Some people think so. But I’ve got five compelling reasons to say it’s not. Care to listen?

It’s funny how often in life we’re asked what it is that we do: Meeting someone new. Reconnecting with old friends. Filling out school forms. Government forms. Medical forms. Everyone wants to know. At first, I was shy to explain that talking about porn is what I do. Then someone—a doctor—challenged me on it and I found my voice. As you read, my hope is that you too will be challenged to GET LOUD about porn.

Challenged & challenge accepted

I’m meeting a new doctor today—which means filling out standard medical forms. Eventually, I come to the question that I always feel has the least to do with my health but gives me the most grief in figuring out how to answer it.

What is your occupation? I hesitate a moment. Then fill in the line. Blogger.

After the mandatory 15-minute wait, I’m ushered into the examining room where my new doctor looks over the forms, dives in with small talk and attempts to create an instant camaraderie between the two of us. Then, his failing eyesight misinterprets my deteriorating penmanship.

“What’s this? Occupation: BUGGER?”  

I laugh, “That’s BLOGGER!—I write articles on the web.”

Still making idle chit-chat the doctor asks, “Oh, what do you blog about?”

“Pornography awareness.”

I’ve caught his attention now. He looks up. His next question shouldn’t catch me off guard but it does, “Do you mind me asking why?”

His tone is sincere. He deserves a fair answer. But where do I start? It gets me every time. How much do I want to tell? How much does he want to hear? Why does this cause a spike in my adrenaline levels?

A little on the defensive, I quip back, “Because I have five children, and every day they are exposed to pornography!”

Was my answer valid? Yes. Informative? Ugh, I could have done so much better.

I silently congratulate myself for holding back the d-uh! I feel perched precariously on the tip of my tongue. Then I chastise myself when I recall that this IS in fact my job. I want to create awareness of an issue that typically sits just off the radar for most individuals.

As much as I would love for everyone to respond with, “Oh, that’s amazing! I’ve noticed how pornography has become so easily accessible online. Tell me more about what I can do to protect my children” I know this isn’t the reality.  I must learn to embrace all questions as a golden opportunity to get the information out to the world.

What follows are the five reasons why I won’t—no, can’t—stay silent on the issue of pornography.

5 reasons to GET LOUD about the harms of porn

1.  Pornography is a health issue

At the very top of my list of reasons to GET LOUD is that each day science continues to reveal more evidence that early exposure to pornography has serious mental, physical and emotional health consequences for both boys and girls.

Sadly, that information is not getting the attention it needs and deserves from policymakers and public health educators. The very people we count on to create laws and policies to protect individuals and disseminate accurate information remain silent on this front.

… I GET LOUD as a health campaign. #publicheathissue

2.  Pornography exploits children

On the books, most countries have laws that state it is illegal to distribute pornography to children. Yet the average age of first exposure to pornography occurs between the ages of eight and eleven. The NSPCC says, “children are as likely to see online porn by accident, as they are to deliberately search for it.”

The protection of free speech and the nature of advertising on the internet make children easy targets of the porn industry. Kids don’t have to be looking for it. It finds them. When asked, one in five children said they had seen pornographic images that had either shocked or upset them.

… I GET LOUD for children’s rights. #pornharmskids

3.  Preventing addiction before it starts

Few people realize that addiction to porn is most likely to have its roots in early and repeated childhood exposure. Clay Olsen, co-founder of Fight The New Drug, explains it this way : of the thousands of letters they receive from individuals struggling with porn addiction no one has ever said they started using porn as an adult. He added that children as young as eight years old have written in asking for help.

A ChildLine survey concluded one-tenth of 12 to 13-year-olds fear they are “addicted” to pornography. Not surprising. When pornography is viewed, unnatural amounts of dopamine and oxytocin flood the brain creating a powerful high for the user. The brain then starts to see pornography as a coping mechanism to deal with any number of uncomfortable feelings. Children deserve to know why pornography is harmful and how to reject pornography when exposed to it.

… I GET LOUD to start the conversation early. #talktodaysafertomorrow

4.  Promoting healthy future sexual relationships

Pornography fosters attitudes that promote human objectification and sexual coercion. As parents, we have the ability to teach our children to embrace human dignity and real affection. To do this we have to talk with our kids early and often about sex. Otherwise, they will turn to online sources to find answers to their questions.

Pornography takes sex—something that is meant to be good and shared through an emotional bond—and twists it into an aggressive, demeaning, gender dividing, self-serving act. Pornography threatens an entire generation’s capacity to fall in love, trust unconditionally, create emotional connections and develop a satisfying sex life with one special person.

… I GET LOUD for real intimacy. #pornkillslove

5.  Looking after my own

In the end, it all comes back to what I told my doctor. I GET LOUD “because I have five children, and every day they are exposed to pornography!”  

There are a lot of good causes I could put my energy into. But this one hits the closest to home. Call me selfish if you like. SImply put, I adore my kids. I want them to have every chance in life to fall in love, get married and raise a few munchkins of their own. I know pornography threatens that dream. But I am willing to fight to keep it.

… I GET LOUD because I love my kids. #fightforlove

Will you GET LOUD too?

As I said at the beginning, it took me some time to find my voice. But each time I open my mouth I get a little more bold, a little more confident. You can too! The pros far outweigh any awkwardness you might feel.

Talking with my own children about pornography hasn’t been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. But every time I put the effort in, guess what? It brings us closer together. And because I’ve set the precedent my kids are more likely to come to me when they have questions of their own. Our policy is, no subject is off limits.

If you don’t want your kids to feel like they have to navigate this crazy, porn-saturated world all on their own then start today. Be bold. GET LOUD. You can do it!