“I was first introduced to online sexting with strangers when I was 12 years old through an online video game on my computer.” Austin Couture, now 29, eventually developed an addiction. “I could not stop seeking out pornography and women to chat with online or the obsessive and compulsive masturbation that always went along with it. At one of my lowest points, I felt isolated, alone, confused, faulty and irreparably broken. I believed that I was an emotionless, guilt-ridden zombie that was forever cursed to live in despair with these sexual secrets.”[1] Austin and I met at a Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit and connected further when I was a guest on his podcast. I asked Austin to give us some insight from his perspective on addiction, talking, and using an internet filter. He had the following advice:
When it comes specifically to pornography, sexting, and devices, it’s a sad truth, but almost no device is safe, even if you have an internet filter on the device. Here’s how I got around filters in my home:
- Video Game Consoles – I love video games! Most kids do. Thankfully, most consoles (i.e. Xbox and Playstation) have parental controls; however, there are some flaws to consider. Internet apps can be downloaded onto gaming consoles, but filters cannot be added. Therefore, a preteen or teen can download an app and be on a porn site within seconds. We also need to be careful of online multiplayer games. Other kids and adults intentionally try to reach children for sexual content or personal information through online games. Gaming communities have tried to curb this behavior and have banned accounts of players caught exhibiting criminal behavior, but it’s easy to create another account and be accepted back in.
- Smart TVs – Smart TVs are wonderful! I love a good weekend of binging a Netflex show. But most smart TVs allow access to apps and internet browsers. So, anyone can access pornography through the smart TV.
- Smartphones & Tablets – You may think that since you can add an internet filter to these devices they are safe. My parents thought so, too. Gaming apps connect with others for sex chatting and to share pornography or nude pictures. The “private mode” browsing rarely stops the user from viewing porn. Additionally, our kids can disable or get around internet filters without getting caught. For example, there are websites that can crack the 4 or 6-digit PIN of the screen time passcode to bypass locks you’ve put in place. One of the easiest ways I got around the blocks on my phone was by using random apps. A vast majority of the “Terms and Conditions” or “Privacy” sections on apps will take you to their website. Websites link to their social media page or the Google search engine. It’s easy to get to social media or Google to surf for porn. An internet filter may or may not catch this activity. Therefore, if you see your teen has been on an app for an excessive amount of time and it doesn’t make sense, you may question it.
- Laptops and Desktop Computers – Porn can be accessed through the internet on both Apple and Microsoft, even with screen monitoring. Some filters don’t work in “safe mode” or “private mode.” Additionally, there’s a plethora of sites not blocked by internet monitoring and filtering software in which the user can download videos and pictures straight to the computer. And, again, online video games can be an issue, as mentioned in #1.
- Podcasting Apps – Even though podcasts are audio only, erotic and adult-themed stories and talk shows are available through them. They can be accessed via an Amazon Alexa speaker as well.
- Video Streaming Sites – Even “safe” video sites and parental controls are not 100% secure. Be sure to monitor your children’s activities on these.
- Social Media – Preteens and teens easily find sexual images, videos, and more on social media. This is also where teens and adults connect with our kids and exchange personal information. Be careful with social media.
It seems like nowhere is safe. As a sex and love addict, I can’t go anywhere without a potential trigger for my addiction, which seems unfair. The point is: there will always be a way for your children to access pornography and possibly be taken advantage of by strangers.
A Millennial Talks About Internet Filters, Pornography, and Addiction – How did he feel? How did he get around the internet filter his parents had? And how can you best protect your children? #fightthenewdrug #healthyrelationships Share on XBut you can protect your children.
- Invite your children into conversations, not a shaming lecture. Sex and pornography are powerful and attractive to youth whose brains are still developing. I recommend sites like Hopeful Mom and The Sex Talk.
- Use an internet filter on each device and on your Wi-Fi. Check out Firewalla’s Blue device, which specifically helps with “private browsing” mode and many secretive ways around restrictions on smartphones. (Click here for Barb’s recommendations.)
- For more security, ditch the smartphone and try a Wisephone from Techless. This touchscreen phone allows the user to make calls and text. It has GPS maps, a camera, and music, but no access to an internet browser. Therefore, there is no access to pornography. (Barb also recommends a Gabb phone.)
Barb here! Sometimes all this info can be a little scary. Our hope is to offer you information to empower you to parent well. Stay informed but don’t fret. Remember that your best line of offense and defense is ongoing, open, and honest conversations. You’ve got this!