When I started Hopeful Mom four years ago, my goal was to wrap my virtual arms around other parents who were hurting because their child had been exposed to pornography. I focused on the parent’s internal struggles and emotional healing. These are still priorities; however, Hopeful Mom has expanded. Education (for ourselves and our children) and communication (with each other and with our children) about pornography and other online dangers are imperative.
We should learn about all things online because they are interconnected. One feeds into another. A child exposed to porn is more susceptible to predators, peer pressure, and esteem issues that lead to worry, anxiety, and depression.
I recently saw a post on the Facebook page, “Parenting in a Tech World” run by Bark. I asked the original poster’s permission to quote her. Here is an edited-for-length excerpt:
A recent thread about sextortion on a FB page caused me to ponder this question: Are Our Children Targeted Online? #hopefulmom #onlinesafety #sextortion #difficultconversations Share on X“We almost lost a child last week and it happened in a matter of 12 hours. . . . We made the decision to put smartphones in the hands of our two oldest when they reached middle school. We set parameters, monitored them daily, talked to the kids about known dangers, and downloaded apps to help us monitor usage. We thought we were doing enough. We weren’t. One of our kids was targeted by a predator through Instagram. Our week has involved conversations with our local police and the FBI.
If you are the parent of a teen with a smartphone and social media, please talk to them. Talk to them about who they message. Tell them how easy it is for people to create fake accounts and manipulate them. Take the phone and look through it yourself, every day. . . . As I was messaging the online predator pleading with them to leave my child alone, their demands were simple, pay them $500 and they would stop. At one point, this person said to me, “When I’m finished, they will commit suicide.”
We were one of the lucky ones, because when our child thought they ran out of options, they came to us. . . .Talk to your kids. Now. Do it for them. Talk to them.”
More Targeted
My heart fell when I read the above. But the disheartening messages didn’t stop there. In the comments, there were too-many-to-count replies from parents stating their children experienced something similar. They were targeted also. Here’s a sample of the responses (edited for length and to keep anonymity):
- We’re going through something very similar. . . . My daughter is 11 and was targeted through Roblox.
- . . . An 11-year-old daughter . . . willingly got in the car of someone they didn’t know and disappeared. She was groomed for weeks on social media. They had promised her some “work” so she could help her Mom pay the rent.
- I heard from my son the other day that some kids were taking pics of their feet and selling them. They thought it was funny. Yikes!
- Ours was groomed and being sex trafficked. I discovered it hours before she was leaving . . . against my knowledge. . . . Even though we know the parent was involved, technically the minor was doing the grooming.
- I went thru this with my granddaughter. It started out thru Instagram. I told [them] . . . she was only 14 and [they] said . . . I love kids!! I prefer kids over adults. I don’t care if your child gets upset because you go thru their phone. It isn’t a matter of trusting them, it’s a matter of NOT trusting others!
- If this is one of the scams that tricks these teens into sending nudes and then they turn and demand money or they’ll post it, I now know 5, yes FIVE, of my personal friends who have now had this done to their children. They are so scared to come to their parents because of embarrassment and they think sending the money makes it go away. It doesn’t! It makes them demand more and more money.
- Two boys in our community killed themselves just weeks apart. They were being blackmailed too. They target good kids that feel so ashamed and feel there is no way out.
- This happened to us . . . through a chat on a video game that moved to Instagram. This person . . . sent prerecorded video messages as a girl, sent pics and more to make the boys involved believe they were talking to a girl their age.
- Same scenario for us. Our children/teens are not prepared to handle what is out there even when we think we have all the safeguards in place.
- We didn’t allow social media, and our oldest still found a way to make THREE accounts. She was also targeted . . .
- As a pediatric ER nurse, I cannot even begin to tell you how many young kids we see that met people online and . . . held against their will.
- Same thing happened to my college age son a few weeks ago except the demand was 2K. . . . He was so distraught.
- I was a victim of sextortion and people need to know they start off asking simple things like what did you eat today, did you exercise, how did you sleep? Daily fake care that goes on for weeks until you fully trust them. Please make your kids aware.
Our Response
Why bring this up? Why burden your heart with this heavy thread?
Because knowledge is power.
Our children face a significant amount of pressure every day both in person and online. When we understand their daily pressures, that they are targeted, we are better equipped to help them. Let’s not diminish their fears and issues. Let’s not cower either. Instead, let’s walk with them, guiding and directing. Let’s be available to soothe their emotions and offer them advice.
Remind your children today of their value and worth. Pick them up when they fall into a trap. Empower them to walk away from people who want to harm them and trust those who care for them. Teach them the difference between the two.
Parenting is a long endeavor with hills and valleys. But it’s worth it. I’m grateful you’re in it for the long-haul. I believe in you. You’ve got this!
Thanks for walking this road with me. If you haven’t had a chance to look at the website page with my book information, check it out. Please share this post through email or on your social media account. It’s so important to inform other parents of the dangers their children face every day. Subscribe below for updates and follow Hopeful Mom on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
About the author
Barb Winters is the author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships and founder of Hopeful Mom. She’s a certified mental health coach and offers one-on-one consultations for parents. For more about Barb, click "About" in the menu.
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