6 Principles of Teaching Boundaries and Consent

Consent and boundaries continue to be a hot topic. And, sadly, most people don’t understand the definition of consent much less how to ask for it. So when I heard Chris Yadon of Saprea present on this topic at the CESE Summit, I knew his message was for us. Thank you, Chris, for this timely message.

Nothing will get the hair to stand up on the back of your neck more than when you feel your child is threatened. When my oldest daughter was a sophomore in high school, I remember her coming home and relating that a boy kept hugging her despite her making it clear that she did not want him to. My initial instinct was to immediately intervene, but then I remembered that, in this case, I had the opportunity to reinforce boundaries and consent – principles I had been teaching her for many years. I asked her if she wanted me to intervene or if she would like to try one more time to set and hold a boundary. She elected to do the latter and once more communicated her boundary to this boy. He knew she was serious, and he respected the boundary knowing he needed her consent to hug her.

Parents have many opportunities to teach boundaries and consent. They happen every day as soon as parenthood begins. Think of when your toddler says no to their sibling, when your 8-year-old asks for privacy to change their clothes, and when your teen goes on their first date. Each of these situations are day-to-day opportunities to teach principles that can be essential when our teens face high-stakes circumstances such as an attempted sexual assault or dating violence. They also model for kids what a healthy relationship looks like, romantic and otherwise.

As parents, we can reduce the risk our children will be assaulted or assault others as we follow six principles.

Principles that reduce the risk of our teens being assaulted:

1. Bodily autonomy. When we teach bodily autonomy and that our teens have an inherent right to decide who can touch them and how they can be touched, they feel empowered to say no when they are uncomfortable.
2. Setting and holding boundaries. When we teach our children how to set and hold boundaries, we model acceptable behaviors and interactions with others. This is especially powerful when they set a boundary with us and we honor that boundary.
3. Finding and using your voice. Helping our teens learn to use their voices to communicate when they are uncomfortable allows them the trust and words to share with you when someone else is making them uncomfortable. And they may even be able to share that voice clearly and directly to those who are pushing against their boundaries.

Principles that reduce the risk of our teens assaulting other:

1. Understanding a yes. Consent or an enthusiastic yes to any type of touch requires more than just verbal communication. We must teach our children to read emotional cues and body language.
2. Respecting boundaries. Helping our children respect others’ boundaries can make a significant difference in their social interactions. If they have learned to respect boundaries with their family, they are likely to do the same with their peers.
3. Valuing human dignity. Human dignity is inherent in every human being. It means our children understand that everyone has worth just by being a human being. When our teens understand this, they are less likely to sexually objectify their peers.

In the US, some 9.7% of high school age teens report being sexually assaulted in the last 12 months.¹ This is abhorrent. As parents, we can change this statistic by teaching our children the principles of boundaries and consent.  

Learn more about boundaries and consent by visiting Saprea’s free prevention resources at saprea.org.

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1 – Center for Disease Control, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System, 2019.

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About the author

Chris Yadon

Managing Director at Saprea | + posts

Chris Yadon is the Managing Director of Saprea, a global nonprofit committed to liberating individuals and society from child sexual abuse and its lasting impacts. Yadon is responsible for managing all operations and services of Saprea in both Utah and Georgia.

Yadon has spent most of his professional career in start-up executive management with an emphasis in operations, marketing, and sales. Since joining Saprea in 2015, Yadon has brought a valuable skillset to the organization and a committed to addressing the epidemic of child sexual abuse. His expertise centers on increasing awareness of the epidemic of child sexual abuse and educating the public on best practices for prevention and the healing services available to survivors.

Yadon has been featured across several regional and national media platforms where he is often requested as an industry thought leader and expert.

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