How to talk about AI and porn: a guide for parents

I’m thrilled to introduce you to Julia Daniels of Ever Accountable. She’s here to help us understand how to talk about AI and porn with our children. This is a powerhouse article full of fantastic resources.

While Taylor Swift’s deepfake porn debacle on Twitter caught the attention of national and international news, a growing number of similar news stories have been hitting the headlines regularly. In many cases, they involve AI-generated deepfake porn and minors. Parents and teens are alarmed as AI and porn is unleashing deadly dangers – creating a new wave of image based sexual abuse and sextortion. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recently issued a warning. 

What you don’t know about AI-generated porn could blindside you and your family.  But clearly naming something dangerous starts destroying its power. 

AI-generated porn 

Some call deepfake AI-generated porn “face-swapping”, but that is a bit simplistic. Sadly, the ways AI tools can be used are now almost limitless. 

“In AI-generated child pornography, a user can use specialized software to make requests about the subject’s age, physique, and position.  With repeated prompting, users can fashion AI-generated child pornography to meet their desires.” www.digitalbirdsandbees.com

Ways AI-generated porn endangers children

1. AI is creating a huge uptick in child sexual abuse materials (and real children are being exploited as a result).
2. Children are using AI tools to produce AI-generated child sexual abuse materials- especially targeting girls as young as middle school. 
3. AI-generated porn further normalizes ‘anime’ style porn (also increasing the risk for teen anime fans discovering porn).
4. Explosion of sextortion threats online, especially against teen boys 

“Girls frequently feel less-than because they know that some of their peers have the impression that they’re allowed to be thoughtlessly degrading. And further, they know that a portion of society values them only as objects. They walk through the world with that weight on their shoulders, and it’s up to all of us to help lift it.” Jessica Gross,  The New York Times 

When to talk about porn (and AI)

After listening to many moms, I’ve found my story is pretty common. I was utterly convinced that my daughter did not need a smart phone in middle school and early high school. That made me a bit of a “mean” mom, though I had a few mom friends who felt the same way. 

However, I was totally unprepared for the onslaught of exposure to “soft porn” and highly sexualized content on other children’s unprotected devices. Unfortunately, every social media or gaming app with private messaging exploits vulnerable children. 

As soon as your child is exposed to other children who use the internet, you need to have “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” conversations. The time to start talking about body safety and respect as well as good pictures and bad pictures is pre-K and kindergarten. 

The consequences of not talking about this topic early can be dire. As Heidi Olson, sexual assault nurse examiner notes: “from 2015 until now – a huge spike in the number of boys aged 11-15 committing sexual assault.”

6 tips to talk to your middle-school child (and teens) about AI and porn

1. Talk about AI as a powerful tool that can be used as a deadly weapon to hurt people such as creating porn.
2. Clearly explain that making AI deepfake nude or sexual images is a form of cyberbullying and is illegal.
3. Emphasize that images you put on the internet can live forever, harm others, and can result in criminal charges (even for teens) depending on your state laws.
4. Using AI properly as a tool requires proper training and adult supervision. 
5. Tell a safe adult If someone makes sexual AI images and shows or tells you about this.
6. Make a plan together for healthy use of technology – including a “mistake escape” plan. 

"Talk about AI as a powerful tool that can be used to hurt people." One of six tips Julia Daniels of Ever Accountable offers to talk with middle-schoolers about AI and porn. How to talk about AI and porn: a guide for parents Share on X

Tips for a “mistakes happen” conversation and promise

Difficult news stories frequently crop up now – teens committing suicide due to an online sexting/sextortion leak or social media mistake. But you can potentially use these stories for a vital conversation starter! (If your teen confides suicidal ideations, the Mayo Clinic offers some helpful pointers.)

What if your child admits to an online mistake? Instead of shaming your child, assure them that you will love them and help them “no matter what”!

Ways of fighting back against online mistakes

1. Be okay with saying no to permitting social apps.
2. Protect your children’s identity online on your own social media.
3. Utilize resources for taking down nudes and legal means for fighting image-based sexual abuse. (listed below)
4. Fight AI with an AI-powered porn blocker, plus teach online accountability – depending on your family’s current needs. (links below)

At Ever Accountable, we strongly encourage open sharing of all online activity with our accountability app on unlimited devices. Our weekly accountability reports encourage regular conversations between parents and young teens about online safety. 

If your child is already struggling with viewing online porn, our updated Bulldog Blocker app (powered by AI, ironically) blocks porn from being viewed, helping to break the cycle. 

Help if your child is already a victim of AI-generated porn

Dealing with image-based sexual abuse is both challenging and traumatizing. Similar to being a victim of sex-trafficking, recovery may feel impossible at the moment. Assure your child that there is a beautiful life possible despite this event.

However, even if you feel powerless, there are a few immediate positive action steps you can take: 

• The National Center on Sexual Exploitation has a legal team ready to help victims of online sexual abuse. (Please save any evidence immediately.)
• Another resource is Cyber Civil Rights online safety center’s list of attorneys. 
• Fight the New Drug has compiled this very helpful list of ways to fight back, practice self-care, and heal.  
• Ask Google to take down images and hold their feet to the fire. 
• Search for a trauma-based therapist for long-term recovery help. 

Please care for yourself and your child kindly. Your one and only life matters. If you’re reading this and it’s a rough day, you can talk to someone for FREE. Text HOME to 741741.

Conclusion: 

Yes, it feels like we’ve “outed” a conspiracy – the “Perfect Storm” online threatening a wholesome childhood. But armed with our loving support and guidance, our children can survive this digital onslaught and thrive.  While no parent is able to protect their children from all online harms, being aware means you can immediately address these harms and mistakes. Even more crucial, you can begin helping your child heal from the damages. Finally, it’s important to empower other parents. Let’s band together, share vital information, and support each other in this storm.

Check out Barb’s upcoming speaking engagements. (You’ll find info regarding the Sexual Integrity Leadership in May and the Southeast Homeschool Expo in July on this page.) Subscribe at Barb’s YouTube channel! While you’re there, check out the Barb in Public playlist. You’ll find links to interviews, podcasts, and public speaking engagements.