Peer Pressure and Finding Your People

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“But all my friends are doing it. . . You don’t understand what today’s culture is like. . . . My friends will be mad if I don’t participate.”

A force parents combat is peer pressure. “Peer pressure is real, and perception is reality. . . The pressure students experience in middle school, high school, and college is colossal and burdensome. They endure ridicule and face being an outcast if they dress incorrectly, don’t respond to texts in a timely manner, or use an improper filter on their social media photos.” (Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, p. 40)

While in the classroom, I try to help students grasp the enormous pull peers have on our lives. We cannot underestimate the power of peer pressure. If we’re honest, we’ll admit we feel it, too. Many decisions are based on what we observe and what the culture dictates. Adults, but more so our children, learn what is acceptable from social media and peers. An innate desire to feel connected and belong steers us to make choices we believe will fulfill the need to fit in. If we don’t recognize it or aren’t able to resist, peer pressure can take us down the path of unhealthy choices.

It’s one reason preteens send nudes.

It’s one reason teens watch pornography.

It’s one reason youth rebel.

But what if we want to make healthy choices and need to walk away from the friend group (or family) who doesn’t understand our new way of thinking and behaving? Old friends may haunt us. Isolation messes with our minds.

Community is important. Belonging is a need. Accountability keeps us on the right path.

Let me urge you to find people who encourage you and push you in your new endeavors. And if your child is breaking free from a life choice that has taken them down an unhealthy path, be their encourager. Help them find a group of people who will steer them in a healthy direction.

I recently read a blog post by my friend Christy Bass Adams entitled Who’s Your Who? She has this to say.

“What if integrity is now our path and we find the road narrow, deserted, and lonely? Change for the better is always worth it, but sometimes change can be a lonely endeavor. The more authentic we become, the less people will fill our circle. . . . But something amazing begins to happen. The more we work on becoming the best version of ourselves, the more we will attract like-minded, sincere people to join us in our walk. The longer we pursue sound minds and wholeness, the greater chance we will invite similar thinkers into our world. Honesty begets honesty. Integrity begets integrity. Vulnerability begets vulnerability.”

Help your child make new friends. Take them to a youth group. Ask them what community group or after-school group or extra-curricular activity appeals to them. Enroll them in art lessons, music lessons, or a new sport. Encourage them to unfriend or block negative influencers on social media and search for ones who have positive messages.

Negative peer pressure is a difficult force to combat. But isolation isn’t the answer. Help your children find positive influences in their lives. #sexpectations #hopefulmom #fightthenewdrug Peer Pressure and Finding Your People Share on X

And while you’re inspiring your child, check your own friend list. Who are you allowing to influence you? Christy Bass Adams says, “Finding our who or our new group of whos will take time and intentionality. Listen to people as they communicate. Watch their lifestyle. Pay attention to their interests. And don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation or an invitation to lunch. Friends with depth, sincerity, and convictions are game changers in this life and just like we search hard for a lifelong spouse, we must search hard for lifetime, real friendships. . . . As you search for your who, remember to become the type of person you need as a friend.”

Rather than allowing peer pressure to guide your decisions, make intentional thought-provoking choices. Then be that positive influence in someone else’s life, including your child’s. You’ve got this!

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