I’d like to introduce Larissa Mills, Founder of Iparentgen.com, The Mental Game Academy and Digital & Mental Wellness HR Solutions, our guest author. She has some practical advice for parents concerning social media and pornography addiction.
I have twenty years of experience in education and I’m a mother of three. So, I can safely say that phones with social media should never have been invented. Phones, yes! We, as adults, love them but are just as addicted as children. Once a child has one, they are sucked down the proverbial rabbit hole, never to talk to you again.
As an Educational Behavioural Consultant, I hear from physicians, administrators and teachers in interviews, that they want the students back. I asked them to elaborate on this statement.
“It is like teaching robots that don’t interact or care to learn anymore.”
“We can manage teaching with hormones, but not with phones,” some said.
Students check their phones, even though they are banned in schools, 20 times a class. This causes disjointed learning, or not learning. So, why do we allow phones in school when it is the first institution of work and focus? A school in Montreal banned phones on school property. They discovered that students were relieved to not look at their phones. Now, educators can resume teaching and talk to the kids again.
“Their lights are on in their eyes again.”
“There is chatter resuming in the cafeterias and hallways,” teachers said.
Parents, physicians and educators want to ban phones for the sake of students’ mental health and the future of education because students are on social media and watch porn while in class.
How to Prevent Social Media Addiction
- DELAY, delay, delay. More parents want to delay, but don’t. Unless parents parent, children won’t put screens down. Kids look at their phones 80 times a day on average. This trains their brain to want that dopamine and continue to check their phones.
- Talk and Set boundaries and rules for your home. Don’t cave, ever. Create them as a family and stick to the rules. Set consequences together, too.
- Routines are as Healthy as Love for kids. Maintain routines as best you can. First, set up, homework, chores, playing outside, sports etc. Create clear expectations so kids do things automatically. No more nagging will be needed. Well, not as much.
- Sports, Arts, Music. Sign them up! Keep children engaged athletically and find them a hobby. Activities are multifactorial in their development, which helps to build socialization skills, resilience, and confidence. They are invaluable.
- Face time, not FaceTime, for family. Family dinners, family events with grandparents are a good start. However, playing cards, reading to them, hugging them and affection is more important now than ever in these times of isolation. Create traditions and go on holiday.
- Socialization. If children don’t bond and form secure attachments to their parents, they can’t develop the remaining psychological steps concretely. If children don’t pass through this stage, they will have gaps in their overall development.
- Connection. Keep kids on the main floor with you. For awareness and for protection.
- Control Apps. FYIplayitsafe is an option, letting parents see what their kids are doing and notifying them when something is wrong. Bullying, if they are sad, if someone asks them their name? (Note from Barb: for other control and filter suggestions, see the resource page.)
The Canadian Paediatric Screen Task Force states, “Children should use screens for 1 hour a day.” Some children aren’t speaking properly by Junior Kindergarten (Pre-K), while older children aren’t talking to develop the linguistic part of their brains. They are texting. This is not a substitute, says Dr. John Hutton of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital.
Keep talking to your children and organize a time to be together with family. Make family time sacred.
See my website www.IparentGen.com for TIPS, strategies, podcasts, courses, and videos to set up rules, expectations, and guidelines for children at all ages to balance life with technology.
Resources:
nypost.com/2017/11/08/americans-check-their-phones-80-times-a-day-study
www.cnn.com/2019/11/04/health/screen-time-lower-brain-development-preschoolers-wellness/index.html
QOC Sig 4.pdf
greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_cultivate_a_secure_attachment_with_your_child
montrealgazette.com/news/local-news/west-island-gazette/results-of-st-thomas-high-school-cellphone-ban-are-positive
About the author
Larissa Mills
Larissa Mills is Founder of Iparentgen.com, The Mental Game Academy and Digital & Mental Wellness HR Solutions.
Larissa has an extensive background in behaviour a BA and Masters of Science of Education that has helped her examine the relationship between children and how they impact performance and behaviour.
Larissa works daily to prevent phone addiction and build children’s Mental Skills!