supporting parents in an online world
When my son was sixteen, he came to a crossroads in his life. His belief system surrounding pornography did not line up with his behavior, and he had to decide once and for all how to resolve this dilemma.
He wouldn’t have reached this point if he hadn’t realized there was a problem. That comprehension came through communication and education, sprinkled with lots of love from us, his parents . . . as well as patience.
Continue reading “Communication Tips”
I met Krista when we were both speakers at an online conference for thehopeline last Spring. When I saw her session, I felt the compassion she has for teen girls. She listens to them, equips them, and offers them hope through Girl Above. I asked her to talk with the parents here, and I love how she especially encourages us to look beyond the behavior and identify the root issues of porn use.
If you are a parent in 2021 and have a child over the age of 8 years old, there is a huge chance you are struggling to navigate your child’s exposure to or use of pornography. This does not make you a bad parent; this makes you a 2021 parent. Unfortunately, for the first time in the history of the world, our children carry a free and unlimited drug in their pocket. This drug is internet pornography, and their access to smartphones has made the problem nearly impossible to address. In 2019 there were over 33 trillion views on porn sites. The train has left the station, and parents are now just trying to keep up.
After ten years of working with teens, my best advice for parents is to look WAY beyond the behavior and identify the root issues motivating the behavior. Once you have identified the root causes, become someone with whom your child can have in-depth conversations to address and heal those areas of their life.
Continue reading “IDENTIFY THE ROOT ISSUES OF PORN USE”
I’m privileged to welcome Mandy Majors as a guest author. I love Mandy’s down-to-earth, matter-of-fact, easygoing way of addressing hard topics. She is passionate about creating a culture of open communication and honest conversation in homes, churches and schools to keep kids safe in a digital world – and this attitude is reflected in her podcast and writings. Her popular podcast, nextTalk, is a must-listen for today’s parents.
One morning as we were getting ready for school, my daughter asked a question I wasn’t prepared for. It was highly sexualized. This was not a “where do babies come from” question. I didn’t know this “thing” existed until I was a nineteen-year-old college student. She was NINE!
Continue reading “Learning to Respond Differently to Pornography”
Ouch. My toes have been stepped on. And I hope the pain causes a change in me—and in you.
I read this on Collin Kartchner’s #savethekids website: “Smart phones and social media are the new drug of choice in homes. They hooked parents, disconnected them from their kids, distracted us from who is truly important, and taught us that “likes” = self-worth—and now our kids are modeling us. Kids need our eyes and our love and validation more than ever before. Showing your kids you love them is 2% effort and 98% just putting down your phone.”
Continue reading “Collin Kartchner of #savethekids Leaves A Timely Message for Parents and Kids”
I recently heard someone say, “Send your child to church. They will quit misbehaving. The youth group leaders will teach them right from wrong.” I wanted to spit out my drink–even though I wasn’t drinking at the time. I managed to swallow my, “Yeah, right!” sarcastic response. But my next thought was: The church can’t fix our children.
Continue reading “The Church Can’t Fix Our Children”
I am overly excited to introduce Marilyn Evans of ParentsAware/Media Savvy Moms. Marilyn and I met a few short months ago and immediately hit it off. Like me, Marilyn has a heart for parents navigating the perils of parenting in a tech-saturated world. She is a wealth of information, and I am grateful she stopped by to offer her insight to us! I hope after you read, you will GET LOUD about porn, too. ~ Barb
Hello! It’s nice to meet you. What is it you do again? Oh, thanks for asking. I write and speak about the harms of pornography. (Awkward pause.) Is that weird? Some people think so. But I’ve got five compelling reasons to say it’s not. Care to listen?
Continue reading “5 Reasons to GET LOUD About Porn”
My son struggled with pornography for nine years. His fascination began when he was nine or ten and turned into a full-blown addiction sometime before he was fourteen. His dad and I found out about it at that point and vowed to get in the trenches with him to help him . Unfortunately, he wasn’t completely honest with us, so he fell back into his ways fairly quickly—even though we talked with him, added filters to our devices, and updated our house rules.
Continue reading “In the Trenches with Your Child”
I want to encourage you to stay strong.
Many of us are home with our kids because of the Coronavirus quarantine. Our routines have been turned upside down and our comfort zone has been pierced. One of the biggest questions on my mind (and possibly yours) is: Will this change cause my child to turn back to their addiction?
Continue reading “Hope During the Coronavirus Quarantine: You Can Do It!”
What is porn? How do you define it? It’s not as clear-cut as you think. What was a known pornographic photo in 1960 is an average marketing image today. When I walk through the mall I’m liable to see photographs similar to those previously seen only in magazines under a bathroom sink. And I don’t even have to go into the store to see them. I am hassled by the retailer through pictures as I walk by the storefront.
Continue reading “The Definition of Pornography or Porn”
Before I found out pornography was in my home, I believed (and I know I’m not alone in this belief) our household was safeguarded from sexting and pornography. I thought my boys knew better, understood our rules, shared our morals and Christian beliefs, and had no interest. I do not hang my head or apologize when I say this. It’s just a fact. I was blind. I was uneducated. I chose not to know or understand. Had I read the statistics, I would have needed to face the truth.
Continue reading “The Most Shocking Statistic About Pornography”