Three Truths About Relationships, Kids, Porn, and You

I met Dr. Carol a few months ago when she asked me to be a guest on her podcast. I was immediately drawn to her likeable personality. Carol helps others find transformation through Jesus from thorny issues such as broken relationships, issues around sex/sexuality, mental/emotional problems, and toxic religion. I know you will benefit from her post.

You don’t want your kid hooked on porn. You don’t even want them seeing it.

In today’s world that’s kind of like kids and germs. Well, sort of. Every kid gets exposed to germs, but germs don’t destroy a person’s soul the way porn does. But God put you on this earth in this generation to raise your children in the world we have today. It’s messy. It’s hard.

And you’ve got what it takes.

Let me suggest three truths about relationships, porn, you, and your kid that will help you understand your role as a parent today.

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Training Wheel Consequences and Alternate Behavior Changes

Nick and I talked a few months ago about his app, Relay. He and his team designed this fairly-new app to help those trapped in pornography’s grip by teaming people up into support groups. I recommend you check it out. Nick’s enthusiasm and passion are contagious, so I’m thrilled that he agreed to write this post about training wheel consequences for you.

One reason raising children is so hard is that they often don’t internalize the link between cause and consequence. They don’t like their stomach to hurt, yet they still eat half their Halloween candy in one sitting. They don’t like to get sunburned, but they won’t let you lather sunscreen on before they run out to play. Because children have a hard time understanding the true impact of their actions, parents often create what I call “training wheel consequences”; let’s examine these consequences and consider how we can reframe them, particularly in the context of pornography habits, to help children make lasting behavioral change. 

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Are Our Children Targeted Online?

children targeted

When I started Hopeful Mom four years ago, my goal was to wrap my virtual arms around other parents who were hurting because their child had been exposed to pornography. I focused on the parent’s internal struggles and emotional healing. These are still priorities; however, Hopeful Mom has expanded. Education (for ourselves and our children) and communication (with each other and with our children) about pornography and other online dangers are imperative.

We should learn about all things online because they are interconnected. One feeds into another. A child exposed to porn is more susceptible to predators, peer pressure, and esteem issues that lead to worry, anxiety, and depression.

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6 Principles of Teaching Boundaries and Consent

Chris Yadon Saprea guest post Boundaries and Consent

Consent and boundaries continue to be a hot topic. And, sadly, most people don’t understand the definition of consent much less how to ask for it. So when I heard Chris Yadon of Saprea present on this topic at the CESE Summit, I knew his message was for us. Thank you, Chris, for this timely message.

Nothing will get the hair to stand up on the back of your neck more than when you feel your child is threatened. When my oldest daughter was a sophomore in high school, I remember her coming home and relating that a boy kept hugging her despite her making it clear that she did not want him to. My initial instinct was to immediately intervene, but then I remembered that, in this case, I had the opportunity to reinforce boundaries and consent – principles I had been teaching her for many years. I asked her if she wanted me to intervene or if she would like to try one more time to set and hold a boundary. She elected to do the latter and once more communicated her boundary to this boy. He knew she was serious, and he respected the boundary knowing he needed her consent to hug her.

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Recent Pornography Statistics and Why They Are Important

When I learned my son was watching pornography I had a difficult time reconciling how this could have happened in my home. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, we were a home-schooling family who taught right from wrong to our children. I assumed my children would make good choices as they matured.

Reading pornography statistics helped me deal with my emotions and what I perceived as inept parenting. Our situation wasn’t an anomaly; rather, it was common. When I learned how prevalent this behavior was, I managed to step outside myself and view this issue from a societal standpoint. Pornography is a public concern.

Last month, Common Sense Media released a report entitled 2022 Teens and Pornography. The 27-page report is a compilation and summary of a survey conducted with 1358 teens age 13 to 17.

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Tips to Keep Your Teens Safe From Online Sexual Exploitation and Harassment

teen VR online gaming

Jenna Greenspoon of Kidas is here this month to talk with us about keeping our kids safe while they are gaming online. Since January is Human Trafficking Awareness month, it’s the perfect time to explore the dangers of sexual exploitation and harassment while gaming.

Children spend hours and hours online daily for both educational and non-educational purposes. You have likely seen this in your own home or read about it. Many parents worry about what their children are exposed to during their time online engaging in a hobby, such as gaming, and how they can prevent sexual exploitation and harassment from happening. They want to protect their children.

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Sexting: Helping Our Children Heal From This Epidemic

Kristen Miele of Sex Ed Reclaimed is with us to talk about sexting. I met Kristen when she and I were each presenting at the SHE Recovery Summit. Her topic was sexting, and I quickly asked her to share her expertise at Hopeful Mom. I’m so grateful she agreed.

Sending nudes. Sharing pics. Snapu puas (sending nudes, the words upside down and backwards!). Texxxting. ‘You up?.’

Slang and teenagers go together like pumpkins and pie. There are many terms for sexting: sending explicit photos over the phone, in messages, and online. As adults, we’ll never understand all of the current slang. We actually don’t need to. However, what we do need to know is how to help our children prevent and heal from the epidemic of sexting.

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What You Need to Know About Consent

what you need to know about consent man woman

In the show Ghosts, a modern-day character, Samantha, sees and hears ghosts who reside in the mansion she owns. Each lived during a different time period in history and died in the mansion. In one episode, Hetty, who lived in the 1880’s, has the opportunity to converse with the maid her husband had an affair with while she was living. Hetty has been holding a grudge since before her death. She confronts the maid, accusing her of chasing after her husband.

Wide-eyed, Molly responds, “He pursued me. I wasn’t interested. I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything.”

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Not My Kid – Online Safety

Jen Hoey Not My Kid Online Safety computer

It’s a privilege to have Jen Hoey of Not My Kid here to talk with us about protecting children online. This is an appropriate topic as we head into the holiday season. If you are contemplating purchasing a device for your child for Christmas, pay special attention to Jen’s suggestions and read to the end for my recommendations on a first phone and filters.

I did not for a moment think something like this could ever happen to my child. But it did, despite my vigilance.” This is the opening paragraph of the book I wrote about my daughter’s experience with an online predator. This event changed the trajectory of my life and was the catalyst for me getting involved in the prevention of online child exploitation by empowering parents through education as a Cyber Safety Parent Consultant. 

The issue of online safety raises many responses from parents, but the most frequent I hear is “not my kid” or “my child will be left out.

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