Understanding Archives - Page 5 of 10

July 25, 2022July 16, 2022

Understanding Triggers in Pornography Use

“Why did you make this decision? And why do you keep going back when you know it’s harmful?” Most parents ask these questions when learning about a child’s indiscretions or habitual behavior. We are trying to discern their triggers.

In a previous post, we defined triggers as “anything, as an act or event, that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions.”[i] In other words, a trigger is an outside stimulus that activates internal turmoil. In that post, we explored triggers parents face after learning of a child’s struggle with pornography.

In this post, we’ll examine the user’s triggers—to watch pornography or run to any type of vice or behavior to seek immediate comfort.

July 11, 2022July 1, 2022

Do Girls Actually Watch Pornography?

These amazing ladies caught my eye on Instagram. Their bold messages, desire to see girls set free from porn addiction, and, frankly, their great reels, are superb. Be sure to stop by their IG account and hit follow. I’m so grateful they agreed to talk with us about girls and pornography. I’m sure you’ll find their story and advice invaluable.

Katie and Amanda became best friends in 9th grade when they awkwardly sat next to each other in drama class. A deep friendship quickly formed, and they spent almost every moment together. As close as these friends were, there was one massive secret both of them were keeping: They were secretly battling pornography addictions and wouldn’t tell each other until their freshman year of college.

June 27, 2022June 23, 2022

What Are Triggers?

My heart raced. My breathing shallowed and quickened. My thoughts were on high alert, throwing cautionary signals at me faster than I could process them. The room narrowed. I looked for an escape, a way to flee the situation I had encountered.

I was triggered.

June 13, 2022December 7, 2023

The Impact of a Parent’s Pornography Use on Children

I’m excited to have Kristin Cary here with us. Kristin is the co-founder of Living Truth, Inc. and she has a message for us on understanding how a parent’s pornography use can impact a child. Kristin and her husband, Michael, have a gift for you—two free guides. See the end of the post for details.

Hi I’m Kristin! I was in full-time ministry when my first marriage ended due to infidelity and sex addiction in 2006. My son was just 10 months old at the time. It felt like the pain would destroy me. Little was understood about sex addiction and betrayal trauma at the time, and I endured a lot of misunderstanding, shame, and blame. I was a single mother for almost five years, working really hard at my recovery during that time. An amazing Christian therapist and a recovery community that had walked similar paths before me were key elements in breathing hope and joy into my life again.

May 30, 2022November 16, 2023

Understanding Teens: It’s Not Rocket Science, It’s Brain Science

Have you ever wondered why your child makes irrational or illogical decisions? No matter how many times you’ve explained the consequences of a negative choice, your words appear to go in one ear and out the other. When a peer suggests they ride bikes in a construction zone, stay up late playing online games, or look at pornographic videos, their sense of reasoning disappears. Part of the answer has to do with brain science.

When my son felt a compulsion to watch pornography (was, in fact, addicted), I didn’t understand the pull. If he comprehended the dangers, why did he go back to it over and over? It was only after I researched the addictive nature of pornography and the brain science behind addictions that I caught a glimpse of his dilemma.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand brain science.

May 16, 2022May 16, 2022

10 Tips to Difficult Conversations with Teens and Adult Children

I’m thrilled to introduce guest author, Dawn Ward. I met Dawn through a friend. Her website, The Faith to Flourish, is for women with loved ones struggling with addiction, mental health issues and life-destructive behaviors. As a seasoned parent, Dawn has wisdom for us about talking with our teens and adult children.

It’s difficult to talk to our children when the topics of our conversations make one or both parties squirm. I should know. I have raised two sons who struggled with addiction and destructive behaviors when they were teens and young adults. When they were kids, I could get by with a quick, “Because I said so” as an answer to their requests. Once those words came out of my mouth, they knew the discussion was over. End of argument.

April 18, 2022April 24, 2022

Vulnerable Conversations Lead to Openness

Being authentic with our children through vulnerable conversations —sharing our stories, our failures, our successes, our hopes, and our fears—bridges the invisible gap between generations. It demonstrates to our children we are fallible, but also resilient.

March 28, 2022April 27, 2023

Grief: Processing and Comforting Others

How do we comfort those who are grieving? And how do we process our own grief? For many of us, our pulse quickens and our palms sweat when we think about grief—ours or that of someone we know. We dodge the situation as much as possible.

I don’t attend funerals. They’re awkward. I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know how to act. I’m nervous about seeing a dead body, and I’m fearful of tripping over my words while interacting with the family. I assume I’m not comfortable in this situation because I haven’t suffered the death of anyone extremely close to me.

But I have experienced grief.

March 14, 2022March 13, 2022

GIVEAWAY! + 5 Keys to Parenting in a Pornified World

I recently finished reading The Freedom Fight and was impressed with how the author, Ted Shimer, addresses pornography addiction. The Freedom Fight has developed a thorough program for addressing the issue. I highly recommend reading the extensive book and perusing their website. I was so excited that Andrew, Director of Coaching and Onboarding, agreed to write a post for Difficult Conversations. But I was ecstatic when he offered to also give a book to one of our readers. Be sure to read to the end of the post to find out how you can enter the drawing to win a book.

When speaking with parents, there are two groups I interact with most: parents who have caught their kids watching porn and parents who don’t know their kids are secretly watching it. In today’s world, it is easier for an eleven-year-old with a smartphone to access porn lying in bed than to get a glass of water because getting a glass of water requires them to get out of bed. The reality is porn is pervasive, destructive, and addictive. We, as parents, need to be intentional about having ongoing conversations because if we don’t, the world is happy to fill in the blanks for our kid’s questions.

February 14, 2022February 12, 2022

A Teacher’s Perspective

I’m thrilled to introduce Lauren Crews. I asked her to talk with us parents about her observations as a teacher. Wow! I definitely learned a few things. I hope you are enlightened and inspired to keep talking.

As a public-school teacher, I’m in a unique position and privy to behaviors parents often don’t see, and I overhear some startling conversations. The struggle is: What do I do? Do I confront the student? Do I tell the parent? Do I keep it to myself? I would love to share with the parents what I know, but I’m bound to respect the privacy of all my students. I also cannot assume we share the same moral standards, so I am often viewed as a busybody. I also wrestle with privacy issues. To what extent does privacy extend to a child? There’s the rub.