Tag: porn

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Responding to Porn Use: Love, Not Shame

I grew up thinking people who watched pornography were shady characters. They were the ones slipping in the back door of the video store—the creepy people who couldn’t control their urges. I’m not sure where these thoughts came from, but I’m not alone. The culture is changing, but until a few years ago this picture was a good representation of how most of society saw the use of pornography, especially those who watched alone.

This stigma contributes to our regretful feedback as parents when we learn of our child’s relationship with pornography.

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You Have a Superpower: Your Story

It’s my privilege to introduce Anne Kerr as a guest here at Difficult Conversations. Anne has years of experience helping parents talk about sexuality with their children. I love her matter-of-fact attitude and specific tips for parents on how to communicate with your children. Her wisdom is invaluable.

You Have a Superpower. It’s your story. Here’s why your kids need to hear it.

You Have a Superpower. It's your story. And your kids need to hear it. #superpower #yourstory Share on X

In your growing-up years did you experience things related to sexuality that were embarrassing, or hurtful, or even destructive? What about a sexual encounter that left you curious, or aroused, or perhaps wanting more?

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IDENTIFY THE ROOT ISSUES OF PORN USE

I met Krista when we were both speakers at an online conference for thehopeline last Spring. When I saw her session, I felt the compassion she has for teen girls. She listens to them, equips them, and offers them hope through Girl Above. I asked her to talk with the parents here, and I love how she especially encourages us to look beyond the behavior and identify the root issues of porn use.

If you are a parent in 2021 and have a child over the age of 8 years old, there is a huge chance you are struggling to navigate your child’s exposure to or use of pornography. This does not make you a bad parent; this makes you a 2021 parent. Unfortunately, for the first time in the history of the world, our children carry a free and unlimited drug in their pocket. This drug is internet pornography, and their access to smartphones has made the problem nearly impossible to address. In 2019 there were over 33 trillion views on porn sites. The train has left the station, and parents are now just trying to keep up. 

After ten years of working with teens, my best advice for parents is to look WAY beyond the behavior and identify the root issues motivating the behavior. Once you have identified the root causes, become someone with whom your child can have in-depth conversations to address and heal those areas of their life. 

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Celebrate the Wins

medals to celebrate the wins

My daughter stepped onto the javelin runway. The field appeared to be marked incorrectly, but she was determined to be in the top six and claim her place at nationals.

Her warm up throw sailed out of the sector (the area inside the lines indicating if the javelin lands “inbounds” or not). Her brother walked over and coached her on how to correct her throw to accommodate the wonky lines. For her, a leftie, this proved to be more difficult than the rest of the competitors because the makeshift right line was blowing in the wind, altering what was “inbounds” as the direction of the wind changed.

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Understanding Daughters and Pornography

I am super excited to introduce this guest. Jessica Harris, author of Beggar’s Daughter: From the Rags of Pornography to the Riches of Grace, has an amazing reputation as one of the first women to speak up about her pornography problem – paving the way for other women to come clean. Through her website and speaking engagements, she equips women who struggle with pornography and helps parents of daughters understand this is not just a male issue. I admire Jessica and her willingness to be a leader in this area. I’m sure you will glean some great information from this article.

I first found pornography when I was 13 years old. What started as honest research for school, became a defining moment in my life. As I scrolled through scientific video clips, a dark thumbnail caught my eye. I clicked on it and stared in awe and terror at the scenes of violent hardcore pornography playing in front of me. When I attempted to close the window, more popped up. Within minutes, I was ushered onto a webpage filled with hardcore pornography, and my world forever changed.

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Your Child’s Pornography Use Does Not Define You

I’ve had bad days. Recently I got a flat on the way home from dropping my mom at the airport. I don’t know how to fix a flat or change a tire. Nor do I want to know. Thankfully, the air in the tire let out slowly, the indicator light came on, and we were in a town (although I couldn’t tell you which town, since I was blindly following Google maps). I pulled into a Circle K/Hardee’s combo and searched for a Good Samaritan. Within an hour a knowledgeable and generous gentleman had fixed the flat, and we were back on the road.

As bad days go, this one was mild. A minor bump in the proverbial road. I was grateful I was on my way home from the airport and hadn’t caused anyone to miss a flight. I was also thankful I didn’t need to be anywhere in particular. But I haven’t always maintained a positive outlook when my schedule has been disrupted with these types of inconveniences. I’ve matured with age. I’ve learned not to allow trivial changes in plans to upset my attitude.

A bad day does not define me. A bad day does not define you.

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Learning to Respond Differently to Pornography

I’m privileged to welcome Mandy Majors as a guest author. I love Mandy’s down-to-earth, matter-of-fact, easygoing way of addressing hard topics. She is passionate about creating a culture of open communication and honest conversation in homes, churches and schools to keep kids safe in a digital world – and this attitude is reflected in her podcast and writings. Her popular podcast, nextTalk, is a must-listen for today’s parents.

One morning as we were getting ready for school, my daughter asked a question I wasn’t prepared for. It was highly sexualized. This was not a “where do babies come from” question. I didn’t know this “thing” existed until I was a nineteen-year-old college student. She was NINE!

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Pornography and Sexuality

A few conversations I’ve had recently, along with my last post written by John Fort, caused me to think about my past, my thoughts on sex, and the connection between pornography and sexuality. Is one connected to the other? (Spoiler alert: Yes!) If so, how has pornography affected my views on sex and sexuality, and how does watching pornography affect my child’s views?

Before we can help our children and the choices they face, we need to analyze our views and thoughts on our own sexuality. Understanding our hang-ups and the reasoning behind them, and our current viewpoint and basis for those beliefs help us have clearer, deeper, and honest, albeit difficult, conversations with our children.

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Explaining God’s Design for Sex to Children & Teens

It’s my privilege to introduce John Fort, my guest blogger. I met John at a Safeguard Alliance meeting and love his message and his heart. I read his book Honest Talk: A New Perspective on Talking to Your Kids About Sex and was challenged to have more direct, specific conversations with my children especially regarding God’s design for sex. The feelings charts, conversation guides, and activities in the book are extremely helpful. I love his direct approach and think you will find this post a great resource.

Explaining God’s design for sex to our children can be a scary proposition. Few of us feel confident with the subject, and many fear it may strain our relationship with our child. However, when done with empathy, these conversations usually draw our kids closer to us.

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Pornography in a Pandemic

I saw photos of my daughter and me moving my son out of his dorm room a year ago. They reminded me of the sadness and uncertainty I felt.

As we pass the anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic declaration and walk through other anniversaries – quarantining, masks, intimate Easter celebrations at home, ordering groceries online, and learning the full meaning of Zoom meetings – it’s only fitting to reflect on how our households have changed in regard to technology and our response to everything online, as well as the dynamics within our homes. How have we grown? How have we regressed? And what about pornography in a pandemic?

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