Where is the Village? A Shout-out to Moms in the Digital Parenting Arena

I’m so excited to introduce Melody Bergman. I met Melody about six months ago and was immediately drawn to her beautiful smile and upbeat attitude. Melody is a fellow mom working to fight against pornography and its draw, especially in this new climate of digital parenting. She’s worked in this arena for years and knows her stuff. I love her writing style. I was hooked at the first paragraph of this piece and couldn’t stop reading until the end. I hope you find her words of wisdom encouraging and supportive.

Dim the lights. Here comes Mom, walking into a silent room where everyone’s faces are lit by the glow of little screens. The TV is on, but no one is watching. Handheld devices click and ping through the darkness. Mom starts talking, but no one hears. They are totally absorbed.

Does this sound familiar? 

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Should Your Child’s Porn Use Anger You?

“I keep trying to hold back the anger I’m feeling.” Susan’s lower lip quivered. We sat on my back porch drinking coffee and watching the sunset. This wasn’t the first conversation we’d had about her child’s porn use.

She leaned in and whispered, “I know I shouldn’t be angry.”

I looked her in the eye. “I don’t think that’s true. Of course, you’re angry. That’s a perfectly acceptable response to the situation in your home.”

“Really? You think so?”

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Why Kids Look at Pornography (It’s not their fault)

It’s a privilege to have Chris McKenna from Protect Young Eyes as a guest author. He is my go-to guru on all things tech-y. He loves kids, has an upbeat attitude, and is a walking encyclopedia of knowledge, keeping up with the latest gadgets, devices, and apps available. If you have a question, he has the answer. In this post his answers the question, “Why can’t kids stop clicking?”

This article is printed with permission from Protect Young Eyes.

Parents, this blog post will require around 7 minutes of your time – 7 precious minutes that will give you understanding that you’ve never had about your children. 

Key take-aways: if your child looks at porn, it’s probably not their fault. And if they admit it, give them a high-five. 

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How Do We Talk About Pornography?

Until a few years ago, I almost never used the word “pornography” or “porn.” When I found myself needing to refer to it, I whispered and practically choked on the word as it exited my mouth. I didn’t want to talk about pornography.

If I needed to refer to pornographic images, I said “inappropriate pictures” and assumed those around me knew what I meant. Even then, I typically lowered my voice, spoke to the ground, and blushed. I found it uncomfortable.

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A Safe Rebellion

computer keyboard

I’m excited to introduce Christy Bass Adams. We met recently at a writers conference. When I told her I was writing a book for parents of children struggling with pornography, she said, “I was that kid.” I immediately knew I wanted her to guest post here for us. Even though Christy grew up in a different era, I believe hearing the thoughts and trials of the addicted child is helpful. Christy says her addiction was a safe rebellion. I hope her insight gives us some perspective from the other side so we can be better parents. And, mostly, I hope her recovery as an adult reminds us our children’s stories are not over. They can still heal, even if it’s not in our timing. ~ Barb

A Safe Rebellion

I was 12 years old when I first viewed pornography at a friend’s house. The curiosity only grew from there. A child of the 80’s and 90’s, the internet wasn’t really a thing yet, so late night cable programming, printed material, and email spam were the easy avenues to seek it out. Thankfully I lived in a safe home where my parents monitored TV programming and everything else we did. So it remained only a curiosity for a long time.

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Collin Kartchner of #savethekids Leaves A Timely Message for Parents and Kids

Ouch. My toes have been stepped on. And I hope the pain causes a change in me—and in you.

I read this on Collin Kartchner’s #savethekids website: “Smart phones and social media are the new drug of choice in homes. They hooked parents, disconnected them from their kids, distracted us from who is truly important, and taught us that “likes” = self-worth—and now our kids are modeling us. Kids need our eyes and our love and validation more than ever before. Showing your kids you love them is 2% effort and 98% just putting down your phone.” 

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5 Reasons to GET LOUD About Porn

GET LOUD

I am overly excited to introduce Marilyn Evans of ParentsAware/Media Savvy Moms. Marilyn and I met a few short months ago and immediately hit it off. Like me, Marilyn has a heart for parents navigating the perils of parenting in a tech-saturated world. She is a wealth of information, and I am grateful she stopped by to offer her insight to us! I hope after you read, you will GET LOUD about porn, too. ~ Barb

Hello! It’s nice to meet you. What is it you do again? Oh, thanks for asking. I write and speak about the harms of pornography. (Awkward pause.) Is that weird? Some people think so. But I’ve got five compelling reasons to say it’s not. Care to listen?

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Boredom Leads to Porn Use

After learning of my son’s transgressions with porn, I analyzed every angle I could about his issue. The one question I kept asking was “Why?” Of course, there was the obvious. He’s a curious teenage boy with out-of-control hormones. But that only answered the question of why he initially sought porn. The question of what triggered his continuous use still seemed elusive.

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Love Fiercely During Your Battle with Porn

A mom died. A mom of a 19-year-old girl. A mom who was unable to communicate for six weeks because of a coma brought on by COVID. A mom whose body just could not recover. And now a daughter left without a mother.

My heart aches for a motherless girl, barely raised. And I wonder about the last interaction. Was it full of flurry and panic as mom called an ambulance and left in a whirlwind? Or was she quietly dropped at the hospital assuming she would be home soon? Was she lucid enough to tell her daughter about the love that overflowed for her? Did she know they would be the last spoken words? That time was not on her side? Did she give enough, say enough, do enough . . . so her daughter would know the deep love a mother has for her daughter? Did she love fiercely? . . . Or will her daughter always wonder? What will her daughter remember? What will that lingering memory be?

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