The Impact of Betrayal Trauma on Parents

Healthy relationships thrive on trust. When one person betrays the other, that trust breaks and the relationship’s solid foundation crumbles. Betrayal trauma may follow.

Several years into my son’s ordeal, I read about the effects of betrayal trauma in Dr. Sheri Keffer’s book Intimate Deception. She states, “Trauma is a reaction of our bodies, minds, and emotions to a deeply distressing event. . . . Like a death, earthquake, or car crash, the event happens suddenly and changes us without warning, causing us to feel shock, denial, agony, terror, or helplessness.” Keffer explains that these reactions can be ongoing if the deception (betrayal) is ongoing.[i]

The description rang true. I can’t enumerate all the ramifications of my son’s deceit, but I remember the sting of being lied to. At the time, I could not have imagined this child ever lying to me.

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Self-Care for the New Year

self-care

As December turns to January, tradition dictates that we reflect on the past year, shed unhealthy habits, and resolve to live a healthier lifestyle. A fresh start.

Easier said than done. Parenting never ends and doesn’t make room for reflection or renewed routines.

If you think life’s too busy to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, you’re not alone. According to 2023 data, “48% of parents say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to 26% among other adults.”[i]

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Mom, I See You

Mom with camera I see you

As a young mom, I wrestled with thoughts that I wasn’t enough. I didn’t purchase the right clothes or decipher my children’s needs correctly. I wasn’t contributing to the household income or spending enough time raising my children. The meals were inadequate and the house wasn’t clean. If I sat with the children to play a game, supper was late. If I spent too much time reading to them, they may not learn necessary life skills. The never-ending tug and pull in my mind. Can you relate? Mom, I see you.

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Sleep and Rest: Self-Care Musts

person with feet propped resting

Our last day of vacation. We were leaving in a few hours. My family took off in one direction for a big breakfast. But I headed to the public square for a coffee and piece of carrot cake.

I meandered into the central park of Antigua, Guatemala and watched it come alive. Vendors set up their wares while tourists and locals grabbed a bite to eat and took selfies by the fountain. Lovers held hands or kissed on the park benches. A photographer snapped photos of a graduate in her cap and gown.

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The Importance of Self-Care

Who has time for self-care when their child is struggling? As parents, we tend to put everyone else first, neglecting our own well-being. We take on guilt and lose our individuality. We assume we’ll have time to take care of ourselves after the crisis has passed. But while we’re frantically patching up the problems on the outside, our insides are deteriorating.

This week, I join Marilyn Evans at ParentsAward/Media Savvy Mom on a podcast to talk about the importance of self-care, especially when our child is in a crisis. Head over to the podcast here and listen to us discuss the importance of self-care. The show notes are listed below to give you a taste of what you’ll learn.

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