As a young mom, I wrestled with thoughts that I wasn’t enough. I didn’t purchase the right clothes or decipher my children’s needs correctly. I wasn’t contributing to the household income or spending enough time raising my children. The meals were inadequate and the house wasn’t clean. If I sat with the children to play a game, supper was late. If I spent too much time reading to them, they may not learn necessary life skills. The never-ending tug and pull in my mind. Can you relate? Mom, I see you.
As my children matured and I began homeschooling, I struggled with character-building versus teaching academics. And always the thought that maybe I should get a real job, a job that put money in the bank.
Then one day these children of mine were making their own decisions, becoming human beings with their own likes and dislikes, right before my eyes. This one only wore jeans. That one never wore jeans. This one wanted a drum set. That one wanted a guitar. This one excelled in math. That one hated math. It baffled me that I could parent four children in essentially the same manner but yield four completely different individuals.
I did my best to guide and direct. To lead and steer. All while allowing each to grow and become their own person. All while still growing myself and continuing to become my own person. And trying not to feel inadequate at the end of each day.
An internal battle plagues most moms, often resulting in feeling like a failure. You may be downtrodden and feel lost and alone, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. #hopefulmom #momguilt Mom, I See You Click To TweetI think this internal battle plagues most moms. In every homeschool group, mom church group, and mom coffee chat, I’ve heard moms lament their struggle. When I’ve worked, I’ve listened to moms wonder if they should be home with their kids. How do we rise to the responsibility of raising children without failing? How do we hold on to ourselves and serve our children (and spouses) well? If that’s you, mom, I see you.
Of course, in our home, we had our fair share of triumphs and failures; laughter and tears; celebrations and pity-parties; wins and losses. And we persevered. Each day, I got out of bed. Each day, I learned and grew. Each day, my children learned and grew.
Then there was that one day. My son had been watching pornography. And the previous decade and a half of doing my best, learning and growing, teaching and molding, crashed to the ground. Failure. I wore the label over my heart and head, forgetting the hard climb with victories along the way. If you’ve had a day like this one, mom, I see you.
You are not alone. And that one day does not define you. That one misstep, failure, dilemma, issue, plague, does not mean you are a failure. As traumatic as the problem may be, as deep as the hole may go, as diseased as the wound may seem, hope exists. Others have walked this road and been okay.
Mom, I see you. You may be downtrodden and feel lost and alone, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take a deep breath. Exercise. Listen to music that lifts your spirits. Eat well and get some sleep. Go for a walk, run, or bike ride. Play tennis or swim. Spend time with people who make you laugh. Renew, refresh, rejuvenate.
Then, go back in. Walk with your child through the process of healing knowing you have an army of Mamas (and Dads, too) who are on your side and have your back.
About the author
For more about Barb, visit the About page. For information on Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, visit the Book page.