Before I found out pornography was in my home, I believed (and I know I’m not alone in this belief) our household was safeguarded from sexting and pornography. I thought my boys knew better, understood our rules, shared our morals and Christian beliefs, and had no interest. I do not hang my head or apologize when I say this. It’s just a fact. I was blind. I was uneducated. I chose not to know or understand. Had I read the statistics, I would have needed to face the truth.
Pornography and its use are rampant.
After studying the stats on porn for the past several years, the one that still shocks me the most is that 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to pornography before age 18.[i] Now that I think about it, I’m not sure why this number shocks me. I was exposed to it before 18, and I didn’t have the internet, much less a smartphone or tablet. And yet, as a parent, I would have sworn my household was different. We don’t promote sexy outfits, and we don’t watch movies with sex scenes. My children live in a Christian home and learn Christian morals. When they reached puberty, we taught them the negative effects of seeing ladies as sex objects and addressed pornography as wrong. I figured that was that.
Nevertheless, this statistic shocks me. And saddens me. And breaks my heart. My first thought when I read this was, If all those precious kids are exposed to pornography at such a young age, then that many parents have children exposed to pornography. Why don’t we know this is going on? When I continue this line of thought, the statistic becomes even more disturbing. The percentage of parents with a child who has seen pornography is higher in a household with multiple children. For example, in a household with one boy and one girl, the likelihood that one of them will be exposed to pornography before age 18 is 97%. If you have two boys, it’s over 99%. Take a moment. Let that sink in.
As a society, we need to wake up.
For all of us who have said, “My household is immune,” we are wrong. I’m not saying this to be mean or to accuse anyone of being a bad parent. I’m saying this because, as a society, we need to wake up. We can’t fight a problem we disregard or ignore. In our household, all three of our boys sought out & watched pornography before age 18. At least one developed a full-blown addiction. This is serious stuff! It’s a widespread epidemic that needs attention, and I believe the fight starts in the home.
Education and communication mixed with positive boundaries (filters on all devices) is key. Be willing to have the difficult conversation and go the extra mile with your children. They are worth it!
Stop by my Resource page for filter options. Contact me if you have any questions or want to talk. And be sure to like my Facebook page and sign up to receive notices about blog posts.
[i] Sabina, Chiara, Janis Wolak, and David Finkelhor. “The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth.” CyberPsychology and Behavior, 2008, 691-93.
About the author
Barb Winters is the author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships and founder of Hopeful Mom. She’s a certified mental health coach and offers one-on-one consultations for parents. For more about Barb, click "About" in the menu.
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