What is porn? How do you define it? It’s not as clear-cut as you think. What was a known pornographic photo in 1960 is an average marketing image today. When I walk through the mall I’m liable to see photographs similar to those previously seen only in magazines under a bathroom sink. And I don’t even have to go into the store to see them. I am hassled by the retailer through pictures as I walk by the storefront.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines pornography as: “material (such as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement.”[i]
But who says what causes sexual excitement? How is that defined? Carl Thomas of XXXchurch explores these questions further.
“What exactly is porn?
After all, we have hardcore porn, softcore porn, racial porn, gay porn, straight porn, even food porn. . . . So what is it? . . . We love to put labels on things and classify everything by a type or genre. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple with porn.
Porn isn’t so easily defined. There is no checklist.
And to be honest, usually, the REAL question behind these questions is this… ‘Can I get permission to watch this or not?’
So, here is what I would offer as a practical definition for porn. Porn is anything you use (watch, read, hear, or imagine) that’s used to elicit sexual arousal outside of your spouse.
In other words, if something gets you excited, then that thing is porn for you.“[ii]
In our household we talk openly about what affects us sexually. It’s not a deep and specific conversation, but it’s helpful to know what “gets us excited” so we can avoid those things. For example, even though my son is old enough to watch rated R movies, we know it’s a trigger for him to watch certain R movies (and let’s face it–some of these rated R movies would have been X when I was a teenager, and, in my opinion, still should be). Therefore, when deciding whether to watch a movie, we look at the rating and the reasons why it has that rating. If it’s for violence, we may watch it; but if it’s for sexual content, we don’t watch it. This is a positive boundary for our household. It protects my son from temptation and eases his mind (and mine!).
It’s
important to engage our children in difficult conversations to understand them
better. Does it make my son uncomfortable? Yes. Is it awkward for me? Yes. But I
am grateful to have a better understanding of his world, and he knows we love
him enough to get in the trenches with him.
[i] “Dictionary by Merriam-Webster: America’s Most-trusted Online Dictionary.” Merriam-Webster. Accessed July 28, 2019. https://www.merriam-webster.com/.
[ii] “Isn’t Game of Thrones Really Just Porn?” XXXchurch.com. May 06, 2019. Accessed July 28, 2019. https://www.xxxchurch.com/men/isnt-game-of-thrones-really-just-porn.html.
About the author
For more about Barb, visit the About page. For information on Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, visit the Book page.
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