boundaries Archives - HOPEFUL MOM

August 21, 2023August 17, 2023

Scrolling by Example

I met Ashley Jameson at the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit a few months ago. She’s energetic and passionate about helping spouses through her role at Pure Desire Ministries and at her church. She’s making an impact. I asked Ashley what advice she has for parents and she sent this post on healthy phone use, first published here. I love her authenticity and desire to pass on some words of wisdom to other parents.

I have a secret hiding place, between my fridge and cabinet, where I can sneak on my phone and not be seen by my kids or husband. You may be asking yourself, “Why does this grown woman to hide from her husband and kids?”

November 24, 2022November 21, 2022

Not My Kid – Online Safety

It’s a privilege to have Jen Hoey of Not My Kid here to talk with us about protecting children online. This is an appropriate topic as we head into the holiday season. If you are contemplating purchasing a device for your child for Christmas, pay special attention to Jen’s suggestions and read to the end for my recommendations on a first phone and filters.

“I did not for a moment think something like this could ever happen to my child. But it did, despite my vigilance.” This is the opening paragraph of the book I wrote about my daughter’s experience with an online predator. This event changed the trajectory of my life and was the catalyst for me getting involved in the prevention of online child exploitation by empowering parents through education as a Cyber Safety Parent Consultant.

The issue of online safety raises many responses from parents, but the most frequent I hear is “not my kid” or “my child will be left out.”

July 25, 2022July 16, 2022

Understanding Triggers in Pornography Use

“Why did you make this decision? And why do you keep going back when you know it’s harmful?” Most parents ask these questions when learning about a child’s indiscretions or habitual behavior. We are trying to discern their triggers.

In a previous post, we defined triggers as “anything, as an act or event, that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions.”[i] In other words, a trigger is an outside stimulus that activates internal turmoil. In that post, we explored triggers parents face after learning of a child’s struggle with pornography.

In this post, we’ll examine the user’s triggers—to watch pornography or run to any type of vice or behavior to seek immediate comfort.

March 14, 2022March 13, 2022

GIVEAWAY! + 5 Keys to Parenting in a Pornified World

I recently finished reading The Freedom Fight and was impressed with how the author, Ted Shimer, addresses pornography addiction. The Freedom Fight has developed a thorough program for addressing the issue. I highly recommend reading the extensive book and perusing their website. I was so excited that Andrew, Director of Coaching and Onboarding, agreed to write a post for Difficult Conversations. But I was ecstatic when he offered to also give a book to one of our readers. Be sure to read to the end of the post to find out how you can enter the drawing to win a book.

When speaking with parents, there are two groups I interact with most: parents who have caught their kids watching porn and parents who don’t know their kids are secretly watching it. In today’s world, it is easier for an eleven-year-old with a smartphone to access porn lying in bed than to get a glass of water because getting a glass of water requires them to get out of bed. The reality is porn is pervasive, destructive, and addictive. We, as parents, need to be intentional about having ongoing conversations because if we don’t, the world is happy to fill in the blanks for our kid’s questions.

March 11, 2020May 29, 2020

Steps to Help Your Child with a Pornography Issue

image of two hands - one hand reaching to help the other — Photo by Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash

Parents wonder how much control they should have over their children.

As our kids mature, we should allow them the chance to succeed on their own. However, it is our job to teach, protect, and discipline as needed.

If you are wondering if you should step in and be more involved, more in their space, more controlling after you learn your child has a pornography issue, my answer is “yes.” Of course, stating it in those terms sounds negative, but the manner in which you become more active does not have to be negative. Think of it more in terms of connecting, being engaged, and participating more in your child’s life.