supporting parents in an online world
My son exited his bedroom and walked toward the front door.
“Are you leaving?”
Silence.
“Are you going to work?”
He turned to me, stared, then gave a quick nod.
“Okay. . . Have a great day!”
The door slammed.
I sighed. I felt invisible, unnoticed, and depleted.
Continue reading “You Matter”
What is love?
Yesterday, I asked this question in several ninth-grade classes. In each, at least one student said, “Fake.” Actually, to my surprise, most of the answers were pessimistic. And their faces showed signs of distrust.
Several teens implied that love is hard to define. Yes, defining love is confusing and tricky. The purpose of the question was to challenge them—to help them think about love and comprehend how complicated the word itself can be. The goal was to distinguish between a deep-seated meaningful relationship based on genuine love and one based on infatuation or lust.
Continue reading “Defining Love”
Anne,* a friend of mine, contacted me recently about her daughter. That’s not unusual. Since I began Hopeful Mom, formerly Difficult Conversations, many friends have called, messaged, or emailed me concerning their children’s, spouses’, and even parents’ pornography use. I’ve heard stories of parents scrolling through their child’s history and finding pornography, stories of parents learning their child was molested by someone engaged with pornography, and stories of parents who’ve battled pornography in their home for years.
I’m grateful for this space where friends, as well as people I’ve never met, are comfortable explaining their dilemmas and expressing their emotions.
Anne was compelled to tell her story at Hopeful Mom. So, we sat down to chat. The following is from that conversation.
Continue reading “Young Children See Pornography, Too”
I’m thrilled to introduce guest author, Dawn Ward. I met Dawn through a friend. Her website, The Faith to Flourish, is for women with loved ones struggling with addiction, mental health issues and life-destructive behaviors. As a seasoned parent, Dawn has wisdom for us about talking with our teens and adult children.
It’s difficult to talk to our children when the topics of our conversations make one or both parties squirm. I should know. I have raised two sons who struggled with addiction and destructive behaviors when they were teens and young adults. When they were kids, I could get by with a quick, “Because I said so” as an answer to their requests. Once those words came out of my mouth, they knew the discussion was over. End of argument.
Continue reading “10 Tips to Difficult Conversations with Teens and Adult Children”
I was immediately attracted to Jessica’s enthusiasm, amazing smile, and upbeat attitude when I met her at the 2021 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Online Global Summit. She is an encourager, urging me and others to continue working to make this world a safer place for our children. It’s my privilege to welcome her to Difficult Conversations to talk about child protection online and in-person during the holidays.
For many families globally the holidays are some of the most vulnerable times for children and families. Excitement permeates the atmosphere and charity fills the hearts of many. The joy of the season and the anticipation of joining family and friends causes a false sense of safety, leaving children exposed to predators and child sexual abuse material.
Continue reading “Holiday Child Protection”
I grew up thinking people who watched pornography were shady characters. They were the ones slipping in the back door of the video store—the creepy people who couldn’t control their urges. I’m not sure where these thoughts came from, but I’m not alone. The culture is changing, but until a few years ago this picture was a good representation of how most of society saw the use of pornography, especially those who watched alone.
This stigma contributes to our regretful feedback as parents when we learn of our child’s relationship with pornography.
Continue reading “Responding to Porn Use: Love, Not Shame”
My daughter stepped onto the javelin runway. The field appeared to be marked incorrectly, but she was determined to be in the top six and claim her place at nationals.
Her warm up throw sailed out of the sector (the area inside the lines indicating if the javelin lands “inbounds” or not). Her brother walked over and coached her on how to correct her throw to accommodate the wonky lines. For her, a leftie, this proved to be more difficult than the rest of the competitors because the makeshift right line was blowing in the wind, altering what was “inbounds” as the direction of the wind changed.
Continue reading “Celebrate the Wins”
A few conversations I’ve had recently, along with my last post written by John Fort, caused me to think about my past, my thoughts on sex, and the connection between pornography and sexuality. Is one connected to the other? (Spoiler alert: Yes!) If so, how has pornography affected my views on sex and sexuality, and how does watching pornography affect my child’s views?
Before we can help our children and the choices they face, we need to analyze our views and thoughts on our own sexuality. Understanding our hang-ups and the reasoning behind them, and our current viewpoint and basis for those beliefs help us have clearer, deeper, and honest, albeit difficult, conversations with our children.
Continue reading “Pornography and Sexuality”
I saw photos of my daughter and me moving my son out of his dorm room a year ago. They reminded me of the sadness and uncertainty I felt.
As we pass the anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic declaration and walk through other anniversaries – quarantining, masks, intimate Easter celebrations at home, ordering groceries online, and learning the full meaning of Zoom meetings – it’s only fitting to reflect on how our households have changed in regard to technology and our response to everything online, as well as the dynamics within our homes. How have we grown? How have we regressed? And what about pornography in a pandemic?
Continue reading “Pornography in a Pandemic”
I’m excited to introduce Christy Bass Adams. We met recently at a writers conference. When I told her I was writing a book for parents of children struggling with pornography, she said, “I was that kid.” I immediately knew I wanted her to guest post here for us. Even though Christy grew up in a different era, I believe hearing the thoughts and trials of the addicted child is helpful. Christy says her addiction was a safe rebellion. I hope her insight gives us some perspective from the other side so we can be better parents. And, mostly, I hope her recovery as an adult reminds us our children’s stories are not over. They can still heal, even if it’s not in our timing. ~ Barb
I was 12 years old when I first viewed pornography at a friend’s house. The curiosity only grew from there. A child of the 80’s and 90’s, the internet wasn’t really a thing yet, so late night cable programming, printed material, and email spam were the easy avenues to seek it out. Thankfully I lived in a safe home where my parents monitored TV programming and everything else we did. So it remained only a curiosity for a long time.
Continue reading “A Safe Rebellion”