I saw photos of my daughter and me moving my son out of his dorm room a year ago. They reminded me of the sadness and uncertainty I felt.
As we pass the anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic declaration and walk through other anniversaries – quarantining, masks, intimate Easter celebrations at home, ordering groceries online, and learning the full meaning of Zoom meetings – it’s only fitting to reflect on how our households have changed in regard to technology and our response to everything online, as well as the dynamics within our homes. How have we grown? How have we regressed? And what about pornography in a pandemic?
If 2020 taught us anything, it was that human beings are made to connect and bond. But how we make those connections, whether it’s through healthy avenues or unhealthy ones, shape our views and affect our future relationships. A pandemic that drove us into quarantines and 6-ft distancing shifted our methods of relating. Some thrived, some were unaffected, and others were driven to isolation and loneliness. And what about our children? They were forced to learn online, which for many meant a new level of access to screen time, gaming, and the underground world of pornography while dealing with a pandemic.
More children are accessing pornography than ever before. And they are finding it at a younger age. Children are staring at screens too long, and parents are trying to keep up with the ever-changing environment, while both parents and children alike are feeling increased levels of anxiety.
So what now? How do we move forward?
Now is the perfect time to reflect on the past year—the positives and the negatives—and look to the future—the areas in our lives and our children’s lives that need tweaked.
Reflections
In the midst of the shock and panic of quarantining, I also found peace, solitude, and rest. The forced all-stop caused me to re-evaluate how I spent my time. Moving forward, I will prioritize my activities and make more intentional choices with my schedule.
How have you re-arranged your time, and will you make space for important things in the future?
Not everyone had the same experience, but our family grew stronger. We took long walks and played games. We had deeper conversations and learned more about each other. The bonds within our household were solidified.
- How about your home?
- Did you carve out time to listen to your children?
- Did you learn more about them? Their likes and dislikes? Their personalities? Their goals and dreams?
Some of us also learned about pornography in the pandemic. We learned it’s a thing. And, while the shock, hurt, and devastation of figuring this out is real and has had a major impact on our households, we can be grateful this problem was brought into the open. I believe the pandemic forced more parents to recognize the widespread availability of pornography. And that’s something to be grateful for. We can now address the subject matter because we know it exists and needs our attention.
- In the past year, what rules, boundaries, and limitations have you updated due to more screen time and exposure to pornography?
- Have you talked more frankly with your children and opened lines of communication about this difficult topic?
As we progress, I see a shift in the conversation and how we parent. We need to be flexible and adjust to the ever-changing digital environment, which means staying on top of new technology and how our children are responding to it.
When I talk with other parents about pornography, it’s not as uncomfortable. When I bring it up in my home, it feels similar to other, normal conversations. When I ask my children how they are doing in the area of sexual temptation or attraction to others, they answer me without the awkwardness it first produced. And when we evaluate our boundaries one more time, no one wonders why.
- Have you evaluated your household rules, boundaries, and restrictions recently?
- Have you had a conversation with your child(ren) in the past two weeks about screen time, pornography in a pandemic, and temptations?
- Have you established an open line of communication, and reminded them you are on their side and ready to help them with their problems?
- Have you told them you understand their emotions are screaming and their moods fluctuate, and that’s okay?
Now’s the time. Have the heart-to-heart. Get to know them—who they are now—a year into a pandemic. Understand their concerns, desires, goals, and dreams. Tell them you love them and are there to support them.
And, remember to celebrate the small things. You, Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Caregiver, have been through a lot in the past year. And you made it through. That’s something to celebrate.
I love hearing from you. If you have something you are working through or would like addressed, comment below or send me a private message.
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About the author
For more about Barb, visit the About page. For information on Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, visit the Book page.
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