Young Children See Pornography, Too

Anne,* a friend of mine, contacted me recently about her daughter. That’s not unusual. Since I began Hopeful Mom, formerly Difficult Conversations, many friends have called, messaged, or emailed me concerning their children’s, spouses’, and even parents’ pornography use. I’ve heard stories of parents scrolling through their child’s history and finding pornography, stories of parents learning their child was molested by someone engaged with pornography, and stories of parents who’ve battled pornography in their home for years.

I’m grateful for this space where friends, as well as people I’ve never met, are comfortable explaining their dilemmas and expressing their emotions.

Anne was compelled to tell her story at Hopeful Mom. So, we sat down to chat. The following is from that conversation.

Continue reading “Young Children See Pornography, Too”

The Four Lane Freeway

four lane freeway Dr. Sheri Keffer

I am over-the-top thrilled to have Dr. Sheri Keffer here with us. Her book, Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, changed my life.  While the book is primarily for wives who’ve experienced betrayal, the information also pertains to parents who’ve experienced betrayal. The following post, first published on Dr. Sheri Keffer’s website, is applicable to both spouses and parents. I’m sure you’ll find the article informative and transformative. ~Barb

Several months ago I was driving on the freeway. From the corner of my eye I noticed a car coming directly toward me. It was surreal. In a fraction of a second I was broadsided – no fault of my own. I just happened to be in the wrong lane at the wrong time.

It was unavoidable. The car crossed ALL four lanes in a horrible attempt to exit the freeway. My car was white. They didn’t see me. On impact, I saw black.

Continue reading “The Four Lane Freeway”

Preventing Social Media Addiction

boy with phone and earphones

I’d like to introduce Larissa Mills, Founder of Iparentgen.com, The Mental Game Academy and Digital & Mental Wellness HR Solutions, our guest author. She has some practical advice for parents concerning social media and pornography addiction.

I have twenty years of experience in education and I’m a mother of three. So, I can safely say that phones with social media should never have been invented. Phones, yes! We, as adults, love them but are just as addicted as children. Once a child has one, they are sucked down the proverbial rabbit hole, never to talk to you again.

Continue reading “Preventing Social Media Addiction”

Do Internet Filters Really Prevent Children from Seeing Pornography?

Our home owner association recently put a locked fence around the amenities in our neighborhood. We have a pool, a sports area, and a small playground for young ones and their families. Our fees pay for the upkeep and allow us these perks. Each home received a fob for our key chain, which unlocks the fence and allows us into these “members only” places.

Continue reading “Do Internet Filters Really Prevent Children from Seeing Pornography?”

Understanding Triggers in Pornography Use

“Why did you make this decision? And why do you keep going back when you know it’s harmful?” Most parents ask these questions when learning about a child’s indiscretions or habitual behavior. We are trying to discern their triggers.

In a previous post, we defined triggers as “anything, as an act or event, that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions.”[i] In other words, a trigger is an outside stimulus that activates internal turmoil. In that post, we explored triggers parents face after learning of a child’s struggle with pornography.

In this post, we’ll examine the user’s triggers—to watch pornography or run to any type of vice or behavior to seek immediate comfort.

Continue reading “Understanding Triggers in Pornography Use”

Do Girls Actually Watch Pornography?

These amazing ladies caught my eye on Instagram. Their bold messages, desire to see girls set free from porn addiction, and, frankly, their great reels, are superb. Be sure to stop by their IG account and hit follow. I’m so grateful they agreed to talk with us about girls and pornography. I’m sure you’ll find their story and advice invaluable.

Katie and Amanda became best friends in 9th grade when they awkwardly sat next to each other in drama class. A deep friendship quickly formed, and they spent almost every moment together. As close as these friends were, there was one massive secret both of them were keeping: They were secretly battling pornography addictions and wouldn’t tell each other until their freshman year of college.

Continue reading “Do Girls Actually Watch Pornography?”

The Impact of a Parent’s Pornography Use on Children

I’m excited to have Kristin Cary here with us. Kristin is the co-founder of Living Truth, Inc. and she has a message for us on understanding how a parent’s pornography use can impact a child. Kristin and her husband, Michael, have a gift for you—two free guides. See the end of the post for details.

Hi I’m Kristin! I was in full-time ministry when my first marriage ended due to infidelity and sex addiction in 2006. My son was just 10 months old at the time. It felt like the pain would destroy me. Little was understood about sex addiction and betrayal trauma at the time, and I endured a lot of misunderstanding, shame, and blame. I was a single mother for almost five years, working really hard at my recovery during that time. An amazing Christian therapist and a recovery community that had walked similar paths before me were key elements in breathing hope and joy into my life again.

Continue reading “The Impact of a Parent’s Pornography Use on Children”

10 Tips to Difficult Conversations with Teens and Adult Children

I’m thrilled to introduce guest author, Dawn Ward. I met Dawn through a friend. Her website, The Faith to Flourish, is for women with loved ones struggling with addiction, mental health issues and life-destructive behaviors. As a seasoned parent, Dawn has wisdom for us about talking with our teens and adult children.

It’s difficult to talk to our children when the topics of our conversations make one or both parties squirm. I should know. I have raised two sons who struggled with addiction and destructive behaviors when they were teens and young adults. When they were kids, I could get by with a quick, “Because I said so” as an answer to their requests. Once those words came out of my mouth, they knew the discussion was over. End of argument.

Continue reading “10 Tips to Difficult Conversations with Teens and Adult Children”

Get Off the Fence: Three Ways to Get Unstuck

I am beyond excited that Marilyn Evans of Parents Aware is here again to offer her words of wisdom to parents. Marilyn is my good friend and mentor. She has taught me so much about pornography and parenting. I love her hopeful attitude. Marilyn recently launched a course for parents, to help them get off the fence and talk with their children about this important topic. Read to the end for my review of the course and how you can find it.

You’re here. That’s amazing! It tells me you already know why it’s important to talk to your child about pornography. I bet you’re also keenly aware this conversation is not a one-time deal.  You’ve figured out that every age and stage of development presents new challenges for your child online. 

Continue reading “Get Off the Fence: Three Ways to Get Unstuck”