Parenting Archives - Page 11 of 13

August 30, 2020August 30, 2020

Not My Child’s Job to Protect Me

I saw the questioning look in his eyes. I interpreted it as, “Should I tell her? How will she respond?” I had seen that look in his sister’s eyes before, too. It typically appeared when there was something that needed to be said but no one wanted to be the one to upset mom. Someone put a scratch in the floor when they dropped a utensil. A red sock turned the white clothes pink. (Okay, I made that up. We’re not particular about the laundry, and this has never happened to me.) One son backed into the other son’s vehicle. Bad news. Upsetting information. An incriminating tale.

August 20, 2020August 20, 2020

Today’s Porn: Not Your Father’s (Grandfather’s) Playboy

My son recently gave me permission to write in my given name, rather than a pen name. I’ve written using a pen name for his comfort. (And, let’s face it, for mine too!) I didn’t want to taint anyone’s view of him . . . or our family. But we are five years into this journey, and our household recognizes the need to rip off that Band-Aid. The topic of pornography has been kept under a lid for too long. If we are to educate and communicate within our circles and community, I need to be free to write in my given name. Still, it’s a bit awkward to have your mom announce to the world your past behaviors, ones that have been kept close within the family for so long. So I applaud his courage and bravery.

August 1, 2020August 27, 2020

I Get Overwhelmed

holding hands to capture longings being fulfilled

I attended the 2020 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Online Global Summit (that’s a mouthful!) last week with 15,000 (Yep!) other attendees. It was eye-opening. I listened to representatives from Covenant Eyes, Protect Young Minds, Fight the New Drug, and Reach 10. I sat through presentations entitled “From Problems to Program: Engaging Parents to Protect Their Kids from the Harms of Pornography,” “Our Kids Online: Porn, Predators, and How to Keep Them Safe,” and “Responding to the Unseen Victims of Sexual Exploitation.” I felt uplifted and ready to fight one moment, only to feel overwhelmed, daunted and ready to hide my head in the sand the next moment.

June 24, 2020February 1, 2024

In the Trenches with Your Child

My son struggled with pornography for nine years. His fascination began when he was nine or ten and turned into a full-blown addiction sometime before he was fourteen. His dad and I found out about it at that point and vowed to get in the trenches with him to help him . Unfortunately, he wasn’t completely honest with us, so he fell back into his ways fairly quickly—even though we talked with him, added filters to our devices, and updated our house rules.

March 30, 2020May 24, 2020

Hope During the Coronavirus Quarantine: You Can Do It!

I want to encourage you to stay strong.

Many of us are home with our kids because of the Coronavirus quarantine. Our routines have been turned upside down and our comfort zone has been pierced. One of the biggest questions on my mind (and possibly yours) is: Will this change cause my child to turn back to their addiction?

March 11, 2020May 29, 2020

Steps to Help Your Child with a Pornography Issue

image of two hands - one hand reaching to help the other — Photo by Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash

Parents wonder how much control they should have over their children.

As our kids mature, we should allow them the chance to succeed on their own. However, it is our job to teach, protect, and discipline as needed.

If you are wondering if you should step in and be more involved, more in their space, more controlling after you learn your child has a pornography issue, my answer is “yes.” Of course, stating it in those terms sounds negative, but the manner in which you become more active does not have to be negative. Think of it more in terms of connecting, being engaged, and participating more in your child’s life.

January 9, 2020October 1, 2020

The Definition of Pornography or Porn

What is porn? How do you define it? It’s not as clear-cut as you think. What was a known pornographic photo in 1960 is an average marketing image today. When I walk through the mall I’m liable to see photographs similar to those previously seen only in magazines under a bathroom sink. And I don’t even have to go into the store to see them. I am hassled by the retailer through pictures as I walk by the storefront.

July 31, 2019February 17, 2020

The Most Shocking Statistic About Pornography

Before I found out pornography was in my home, I believed (and I know I’m not alone in this belief) our household was safeguarded from sexting and pornography. I thought my boys knew better, understood our rules, shared our morals and Christian beliefs, and had no interest. I do not hang my head or apologize when I say this. It’s just a fact. I was blind. I was uneducated. I chose not to know or understand. Had I read the statistics, I would have needed to face the truth.

May 21, 2019September 7, 2024

Stages of Grief – Bargaining

In a previous post, I referred to these seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Recently, I explored these stages more thoroughly and identified the process I walked through when I first heard of my son’s fascination with pornography.

March 8, 2019March 8, 2019

Small Steps: Self-Discipline and Safety Nets

My son will leave for college in the fall. This thought scares me and makes me proud. He is an amazing young man, and I am proud of his achievements and excited for him to begin adulthood. But I am scared he will slip back into old behaviors without his “Mommy” around to protect him.