Parents wonder how much control they should have over their children.
As our kids mature, we should allow them the chance to succeed on their own. However, it is our job to teach, protect, and discipline as needed.
If you are wondering if you should step in and be more involved, more in their space, more controlling after you learn your child has a pornography issue, my answer is “yes.” Of course, stating it in those terms sounds negative, but the manner in which you become more active does not have to be negative. Think of it more in terms of connecting, being engaged, and participating more in your child’s life.
Our kiddos need boundaries. They need to know someone cares enough about their well-being to step into their world and guide them. Yes, they may push back. Yes, they may express their distaste for your involvement. But the ultimate goal is healing and wholeness. They cannot achieve these objectives without help from someone (parent!) who loves them and is in it for the long haul.
It is loving to set boundaries and create an environment in which it is ridiculously difficult to access pornographic images. This sets them up to succeed.
Here are some steps to help your child:
- Only allow them to use their computer and gaming devices in a public area of the house.
- Put filters on all devices. (See Resource page for what we use in our household.)
- Learn which social media apps are known to have pornographic images and uninstall them. (See Resource page for site to help with this.)
- Password protect phones so they cannot access the internet or install/uninstall apps.
- Limit screen time.
- Limit their alone time.
- Watch for triggers.
- Help them replace negative habits with positive ones.
- Promote positive eating and sleeping habits.
- Be their biggest cheerleader.
- Most importantly, communicate with your child. Ask open-ended questions and check in with them on a regular basis. Get out of your comfort zone and have the difficult conversations. Allow them to express their feelings.
- Remind them regularly you are on their side.
For more steps to help your child, see this post.
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About the author
For more about Barb, visit the About page. For information on Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, visit the Book page.