I attended the 2020 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Online Global Summit (that’s a mouthful!) last week with 15,000 (Yep!) other attendees. It was eye-opening. I listened to representatives from Covenant Eyes, Protect Young Minds, Fight the New Drug, and Reach 10. I sat through presentations entitled “From Problems to Program: Engaging Parents to Protect Their Kids from the Harms of Pornography,” “Our Kids Online: Porn, Predators, and How to Keep Them Safe,” and “Responding to the Unseen Victims of Sexual Exploitation.” I felt uplifted and ready to fight one moment, only to feel overwhelmed, daunted and ready to hide my head in the sand the next moment.
It was the proverbial fire hose situation. At times I listened attentively, frantically taking notes, trying to drink in as much as I could. But, I have to admit, there were times I dodged the hose all together. I shut it off. I just couldn’t absorb any more stats and stories about sexual predators and unsuspecting victims. I was overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed, but Keep Fighting
But I am a fighter at heart. I may get knocked down, but I typically get back up. As much as I want to, I cannot hide my head in the sand. I can’t pretend that I don’t know what I now know. So I listened when I could, soaked in as much information as my brain allowed, and then took a breather. I walked away until my emotions settled down and I was ready to hear more.
Let me encourage you to do the same with your child. Fight for them and with them. You may get knocked down. That’s okay. Get back up. You may get overwhelmed. That’s okay. Take a break. Allow your emotions to settle down. Then get back in the fight. Your child is worth it!
Longings
In the meantime, let me give you a tiny sample of what I learned. Ben Bennett of The Resolution Movement, a Josh McDowell Ministry, spoke on “The 7 Longings of Thriving: A Preventative and Restorative Approach to Abuse and Addiction.” These longings set the foundation for both preventing and restoring abuse and addiction. The seven longings are:
- “Acceptance: to be included, loved and approved of as you are, no matter what
- Appreciation: to be thanked or encouraged for what you have done
- Affection: to be cared for with gentle touch or emotional engagement[i]
- Access: to have the consistent emotional and physical presence of key figures
- Attention: to be known and understood with someone entering your world
- Affirmation of Feelings: to have our feelings affirmed, validated, or confirmed by others
- Assurance of Safety: to feel safe, protected and provided for emotionally, physically and financially”[ii]
I highly recommend visiting The Resolution Movement website and listening to Ben’s full explanation of these longings.
Friends, I hope your longings are being fulfilled. If they aren’t, reach out to someone. Be vulnerable and ask for help. Find a family member or friend or neighbor—someone who will accept you, appreciate you, show you affection, give you access to their lives, pay attention to you, affirm your feelings, and help you feel safe.
Then be that person for your child. When we create an environment for our kiddos that contains these seven traits, they are more likely to thrive. Take one small step today in one of the seven areas. Then take another step tomorrow. It may take some time, but I think you’ll see an improvement in your relationship and in your child’s ability to communicate with you and trust you.
Your Response
I would love to hear from you. What’s your next step to help fulfill your child’s longings?What fears would you like me to address in a blog post? What question do you have that I can answer? What topic are you interested in? I know it can be difficult to talk about this issue, so please contact me through email if you prefer. Be sure to connect with me on Facebook and sign up for email updates. And, please share this post on social media. Thank you!
[i] Ben Bennett, “The Foundation of a Thriving Life – The Seven Longings Part 1 – Episode 4,” Resolution Movement, June 11, 2020, https://resolutionmovement.org/episodes/the-foundation-of-a-thriving-life-the-seven-longings-part-1-episode-4/.
[ii] Ben Bennett, “The Foundation of a Thriving Life – The Seven Longings Part 2 – Episode 5,” Resolution Movement, June 4, 2020, https://resolutionmovement.org/episodes/the-foundation-of-a-thriving-life-the-seven-longings-part-2-episode-5/.
About the author
For more about Barb, visit the About page. For information on Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, visit the Book page.
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