Understanding Archives - Page 2 of 12

September 15, 2025September 7, 2025

The Advocate Every Child Needs

“In 2022, my just turned 15-year-old daughter met someone on an app who posed as a 16-year-old.” I read this on Facebook. This mom continued explaining her story which lasted over two years. Her daughter had an eight-month long “relationship” with this poser before breaking it off. From that point, he exploited, stalked, harassed, and bullied the daughter and family.

When the daughter told her mother about this “friend,” this mom went into “mom mode.” You know what I mean—some Mama Bear action, defending, plotting, advocating, and all-out persisting.

Mom spent over a year trying to protect her daughter from this relentless person. He “used at least four social media platforms and 130 social media display names to pose as a minor and interact with minors on social media.” [i] This man, who was actually 21, not 16, repeatedly contacted and threatened the daughter and her family, even after her mother had called the police and Attorney General and filed a restraining order against him.

A mom fights for her child to protect her from a predator. As parents, we are called to protect and advocate for our children. The Advocate Every Child Needs #hopefulmom #parenting Share on X Continue reading

September 1, 2025September 2, 2025

Heidi Olson, Pediatric Nurse, Talks About Pornography and Child Sexual Assault

Note from Barb : I highly respect Heidi Olson and the work she does as a sexual assault nurse examiner. I asked her to educate us on the connection between pornography and child sexual assault because we need to know. While this information is disturbing, we can’t ignore it. A huge thank you to Heidi and others like her in the trenches with our children helping, protecting, and educating. Warning: This article contains information about child-on-child sexual assault and various themes in pornography.

Disclaimer from Heidi: I try not to use the word perpetrator when talking about children with problematic sexual behaviors, because they are victims of a predatory porn industry, their brains are still developing, and often do not understand the full ramification of their choices, and while this doesn’t negate harm they’ve caused, the issue of child-on-child sexual assault is extremely complex.

Who Are the Offenders?

When I became a pediatric sexual assault nurse examiner, I had a stereotype in my mind of what a perpetrator would look like. Predators conjure up an image of a creepy old man in a white van who lures children to him with kittens and candy. But the reality of what is happening to children is much more disturbing than I could have imagined. About a decade ago, I started to notice a pattern that many of the sex offenders weren’t old men (although those predators certainly exist), but they were actually children and teenagers (and these were instances of real sexual harm, not normal sexual development or curiosity).

August 18, 2025August 27, 2025

Beyond Words: Body Language in Teens and Parents

“Do you need a minute?” I asked my daughter. I saw she was upset and on the verge of tears. She struggled to articulate her problem and the emotions it evoked.

“Yes.” Her shoulders relaxed, and the tears flowed.

I put my arm around her and waited quietly. I knew from experience that sitting with her while she cried would help her work through her emotions and communicate more effectively.

After a few minutes, it all came tumbling out. Her car was acting up again, and she’d nearly been in an accident. A valid reason for the emotional turmoil.

A day later the car was fixed, and my daughter’s emotions were normalized. I’m grateful I’d been available, sensed her need, and responded appropriately.

Constant Communication

“We send and receive messages all day: a look, a sound, a gesture, the way we walk, the way we pause mid-sentence, the way our voices rise and fall, a text, a post, a note, laughing, crying, smiling, frowning. These are all messages. Whether intentional or unintentional, whether perceived or real, we transmit ideas and opinions throughout the day to those in our vicinity.” (excerpt from Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, p. 120)

July 21, 2025July 22, 2025

How to Help Teens Beat Perfectionism Fueled by Social Media

I’m a perfectionist by nature. My get-it-right attitude seeps into work, family, and social interactions. My kids, husband, and co-workers expect me to correct grammatical errors on social media posts and in books I’m reading.

I can’t help it. I desperately want the tasks I’m performing to be perfect. And if they aren’t, well … my self-talk reflects my defeated mentality. If I missed a dish while loading the dishwasher, I think, You idiot. If I eat more than I should have, I ruminate on the misstep over and over. And if I snap at someone, when my head hits the pillow, my brain stews. Why were you like that? Why can’t you be kind? That person won’t like you anymore.

July 7, 2025June 21, 2025

Through My Daughter’s Eyes: Understanding the Anger of the Forgotten

I’ve never been more excited or proud to introduce a guest author at Hopeful Mom. My daughter Melinda Winters, a substance abuse counselor, is here to explain how pornography, neglect, abuse, and anger affect a child well into their adult years. Melinda is nurturing, patient, and loving. She treats everyone she meets with kindness and shows honor and respect to her clients. Every day, I’m impressed with her strength and resilience, even while she is tenderhearted toward those she interacts with. Melinda is passionate about helping women understand the importance of finding self-worth and valuing the person they can be. She has a powerful message for parents.

Walking into a room full of women filled with anger can often be challenging to navigate, especially when the room is inside a women’s correctional facility. Their faces and body language range from visibly angry and tense with arms crossed to masking their anger and pretending they are okay with a small smile and constantly moving hands. They avoid talking and making eye contact. Many of these women do not want to admit something traumatic happened to them. They do not want to admit they’ve been used and they have no self-worth. Or they repress memories of being used in their life. They want to be happy but instead find themselves constantly frustrated.

June 16, 2025June 17, 2025

BLAST Triggers: What’s Driving Your Teen’s Behavior?

Some run to drugs. Some shop. Some watch pornography.

How do you cope when your anxiety spirals and you’re desperate for relief? What’s your default reaction when triggered?

How about your teen? What sets them off and where do they turn?

I eat. My food of choice was ice cream until stomach problems forced me to give it up. Now it’s Ghirardelli chocolate. The dark chocolate mint squares. (Pause with me and mentally savor this treat.)

June 2, 2025June 3, 2025

Yes, Your Child is Being Targeted by Online Predators

I met Kimberly Ells, our guest author, through the Safeguard Alliance and was impressed by her passion to help families. She’s a policy advisor and has spoken at the UN. Her passion for keeping kids safe from online predators shines through in this piece.

For many parents, the day they find out their child is being approached, targeted, educated, and manipulated by strangers on his or her digital devices is the day they finally take seriously all the warnings and admonitions about phone and digital device use they have heard for years. By that time, often great damage has been done. It is never too late to take action to protect your child but the sooner you do so, the less damage will be done.

"It's never too late to take action to protect your child." Kimberly Ells – Yes, Your Child is Being Targeted by Online Predators #mentalhealth #humantrafficking #parenting Share on X

If you think that digital abuse, moral deprogramming, transgender grooming, porn addiction, or even trafficking can’t happen to your child (because your child comes from a good family, or your child is smarter than that, or you’ve already warned them about digital dangers) you’re wrong.

Here are three real examples from good families with smart kids who talked about digital dangers together and still faced serious digital entanglement and danger.

April 21, 2025April 19, 2025

What Netflix Show Adolescence Reveals About Teen Mental Health and Technology

Information about the Netflix series Adolescence filled my feed, but I resisted the urge to turn it on. I ignored the ads and scrolled past the comments. I didn’t want to watch.

My research can affect my mental health to the point that I must step away. When that happens, I view uplifting, positive, or humorous content. I press pause on social media and all things mentally exhausting or downright sad.

But after seeing post after post about the new record-breaking Netflix series Adolescence, I relented. Accounts I trust claimed the show was impactful and that the storyline mirrors what our teens face every day.

March 17, 2025March 14, 2025

You’re Making a Difference!

International Women’s Day is in March. To be honest, I didn’t know that was a thing until recently. I received an email from Defend Young Minds, an organization devoted to developing tools to help raise screen-smart kids, saying they “wanted to recognize the amazing women leading the charge in child safety, advocacy, and education.” They listed me as one of the 20 Inspiring Women Dedicated to Making Life Safer for Kids. They thanked me for the impact I’m making in this space.

My jaw hit the floor. Really. Because, while I know Kristen Jenson, Best Seller Good Pictures, Bad Pictures and Founder of Defend Young Minds, her influence is far, far (far!) greater than mine. And when I read the list of women, I saw pioneers who paved the way for people like me. They lead the charge against big corporations. They fly to Washington DC to lobby for our children’s safety. They make a difference!

I hadn’t thought of myself as one of those women. One dedicated to making life safer for kids.

March 3, 2025March 3, 2025

What Screens Aren’t Teaching

What important life skills are our children not being taught by screens? My friend, Christy Bass Adams, answers that question in this guest post. Christy’s compassionate heart comes through in this message to parents and those of us who spend a significant amount of time on our screens.

Our church recently hosted a workshop entitled, Are You the Screen Hero Your Child Needs? with speaker Barb Winters. She shared the dangers of unmonitored online access to kids and teens and the unhealthy habits and dynamics created in their lives. She also highlighted dangers and possible predators waiting to devour our children.

It’s easy to write these things off, especially when we are distracted or singularly focused. We need our kids quiet and entertained, so we put screens in front of them. They eat breakfast, lunch, and supper in front of screens. Everything revolves around keeping them entertained and engaged. Who actually knows what their minds are taking in?

What does this teach our kids?

Category: Understanding