supporting parents in an online world
My son exited his bedroom and walked toward the front door.
“Are you leaving?”
Silence.
“Are you going to work?”
He turned to me, stared, then gave a quick nod.
“Okay. . . Have a great day!”
The door slammed.
I sighed. I felt invisible, unnoticed, and depleted.
Continue reading “You Matter”
What is love?
Yesterday, I asked this question in several ninth-grade classes. In each, at least one student said, “Fake.” Actually, to my surprise, most of the answers were pessimistic. And their faces showed signs of distrust.
Several teens implied that love is hard to define. Yes, defining love is confusing and tricky. The purpose of the question was to challenge them—to help them think about love and comprehend how complicated the word itself can be. The goal was to distinguish between a deep-seated meaningful relationship based on genuine love and one based on infatuation or lust.
Continue reading “Defining Love”
I grew up thinking people who watched pornography were shady characters. They were the ones slipping in the back door of the video store—the creepy people who couldn’t control their urges. I’m not sure where these thoughts came from, but I’m not alone. The culture is changing, but until a few years ago this picture was a good representation of how most of society saw the use of pornography, especially those who watched alone.
This stigma contributes to our regretful feedback as parents when we learn of our child’s relationship with pornography.
Continue reading “Responding to Porn Use: Love, Not Shame”
A few conversations I’ve had recently, along with my last post written by John Fort, caused me to think about my past, my thoughts on sex, and the connection between pornography and sexuality. Is one connected to the other? (Spoiler alert: Yes!) If so, how has pornography affected my views on sex and sexuality, and how does watching pornography affect my child’s views?
Before we can help our children and the choices they face, we need to analyze our views and thoughts on our own sexuality. Understanding our hang-ups and the reasoning behind them, and our current viewpoint and basis for those beliefs help us have clearer, deeper, and honest, albeit difficult, conversations with our children.
Continue reading “Pornography and Sexuality”
Ouch. My toes have been stepped on. And I hope the pain causes a change in me—and in you.
I read this on Collin Kartchner’s #savethekids website: “Smart phones and social media are the new drug of choice in homes. They hooked parents, disconnected them from their kids, distracted us from who is truly important, and taught us that “likes” = self-worth—and now our kids are modeling us. Kids need our eyes and our love and validation more than ever before. Showing your kids you love them is 2% effort and 98% just putting down your phone.”
Continue reading “Collin Kartchner of #savethekids Leaves A Timely Message for Parents and Kids”
A mom died. A mom of a 19-year-old girl. A mom who was unable to communicate for six weeks because of a coma brought on by COVID. A mom whose body just could not recover. And now a daughter left without a mother.
My heart aches for a motherless girl, barely raised. And I wonder about the last interaction. Was it full of flurry and panic as mom called an ambulance and left in a whirlwind? Or was she quietly dropped at the hospital assuming she would be home soon? Was she lucid enough to tell her daughter about the love that overflowed for her? Did she know they would be the last spoken words? That time was not on her side? Did she give enough, say enough, do enough . . . so her daughter would know the deep love a mother has for her daughter? Did she love fiercely? . . . Or will her daughter always wonder? What will her daughter remember? What will that lingering memory be?
Continue reading “Love Fiercely During Your Battle with Porn”
My son struggled with pornography for nine years. His fascination began when he was nine or ten and turned into a full-blown addiction sometime before he was fourteen. His dad and I found out about it at that point and vowed to get in the trenches with him to help him . Unfortunately, he wasn’t completely honest with us, so he fell back into his ways fairly quickly—even though we talked with him, added filters to our devices, and updated our house rules.
Continue reading “In the Trenches with Your Child”
Parents wonder how much control they should have over their children.
As our kids mature, we should allow them the chance to succeed on their own. However, it is our job to teach, protect, and discipline as needed.
If you are wondering if you should step in and be more involved, more in their space, more controlling after you learn your child has a pornography issue, my answer is “yes.” Of course, stating it in those terms sounds negative, but the manner in which you become more active does not have to be negative. Think of it more in terms of connecting, being engaged, and participating more in your child’s life.
Continue reading “Steps to Help Your Child with a Pornography Issue”
I just spoke with the wife of a porn addict. The writing is on the wall. The last chance was the last of the last chances. She can’t take it anymore. The marriage is over. She is sick of the empty promises and lack of desire to choose her over his addiction. She’s exhausted, worn out, done. She’s told him he has a week to get out. Continue reading “What’s A Parent To Do?”