I want to encourage you to stay strong.
Many of us are home with our kids because of the Coronavirus quarantine. Our routines have been turned upside down and our comfort zone has been pierced. One of the biggest questions on my mind (and possibly yours) is: Will this change cause my child to turn back to their addiction?
So, let me encourage you to continue in your progress toward helping your child(ren) stay clean. It is worth it. It will make a difference. You are an intricate and vital part of their health and well-being.
I don’t know how your day-to-day life has changed, but I do know it’s different than it was several weeks ago. I am guessing your kiddos are not in school and not out running around with their friends. Chances are they are on their devices more, possibly doing school work, but also playing games, interacting with friends, etc. It can be exhausting, and sometimes depressing, trying to keep up with them – helping them stay busy and keep out of trouble.
Here are a few things you can do during this time.
- If you don’t have filters on your devices, add them now. You cannot stand over their shoulder watching what they are doing 24 hours a day. A filter gives them boundaries you cannot give.
- Ask them to use their computers and other devices in an open space (not in their room with the door closed) in your home.
- Check in with them. Periodically have a heart-to-heart. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out conversation. My son and I talk in code. He knows when I am asking specifically about his addiction. I don’t have to spell it out. This is important because your child needs to know you care.
- Use this time to build relationships. This is an excellent opportunity to bond. Play a family game. Watch a movie together. Go for walks or bike rides. Read a book together. Cook together. Eat supper together. Do a family devotion. Put a puzzle together. Use those moments to reminisce. Try to create moments of laughter. This builds trust and will pay dividends later.
- Watch and listen. Typical teens don’t run to their parents when they are having problems. It’s up to us to pay attention. Look and listen for clues that something is off. Be willing to stop what you are doing and give your child the attention they need and want at the time they are ready to interact.
- Allow them to express themselves. Don’t be quick to try and fix it. It’s hard to adjust to being home all the time. It’s okay to be upset about it. Let them tell you how they feel. Ask them what they think the solution to boredom/depression/loneliness/temptation should be. Allow them the opportunity to come up with ideas.
- Pray. Seek God’s wisdom on how to parent your child(ren).
Again, I want to support you in your efforts to parent at this time. Parenting has always been a difficult job, but it has hit a new level of difficulty. Let me reassure you. Persevere. You’ve got this. There is hope. Your child(ren) is worth it!
Let’s continue to the conversation. What are you doing differently right now that seems to be working? What can you add to the above list? How can I help you?
About the author
Barb Winters is the author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships and founder of Hopeful Mom. She’s a certified mental health coach and offers one-on-one consultations for parents. For more about Barb, click "About" in the menu.
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