My son struggled with pornography for nine years. His fascination began when he was nine or ten and turned into a full-blown addiction sometime before he was fourteen. His dad and I found out about it at that point and vowed to get in the trenches with him to help him . Unfortunately, he wasn’t completely honest with us, so he fell back into his ways fairly quickly—even though we talked with him, added filters to our devices, and updated our house rules.
Thankfully, when he was sixteen, he chose to confess that he was still using. He wanted to change. He wanted to heal. This time he told us everything—who introduced porn to him, how long he’d been watching, and to what extent it affected his life. He asked us to uninstall social media apps from his phone, to add a second filtering device, and to tighten some more of our house rules.
There’s A Cost
This came at a great cost to me and my husband. I spent my evenings researching pornography and its compelling grip. I spent my days observing my son, not leaving him alone for longer than a few minutes. He was home schooled, so I felt like a glorified babysitter. I could no longer run errands without dragging my kids along or go to coffee with my friends if my husband wasn’t around.
Besides the emotional toll, my son’s predicament was taxing on my schedule and the independent life I had been living. At times I felt restrained and resentful.
But I was also grateful. God gave me the privilege of spending extra time with my son. He entrusted me with his life. God used me to influence him. I was grateful my son felt comfortable opening up to us and listening to us.
In the Trenches
This parenting business is not for the faint-of-heart. There is no quick fix for dealing with an addiction. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to lower yourself into the trenches with your child. But down there, our eyes are opened. We get to see our real son or daughter. We get to live their life with them. We get to carry them through the hard stuff. We get to see them take baby steps toward healing. We get to celebrate when they succeed.
Your child needs you. I encourage you to persevere. Get in the trenches with your child. Tell them you love them and you will stay in the trenches with them for as long as it takes. And while you’re there, remember your heavenly Father is there with you.
Would you do me a favor? Would you share this website on your social media? Thank you.
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About the author
Barb Winters is the author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships and founder of Hopeful Mom. She’s a certified mental health coach and offers one-on-one consultations for parents. For more about Barb, click "About" in the menu.
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