parent Archives - HOPEFUL MOM

June 3, 2024May 31, 2024

Ripple Effects of a Child’s Porn Use on Parents

“When my son’s indiscretions surfaced, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and then kicked while down. I was unknowingly in a war zone, and when the bomb exploded, I was hit. The fallout of his conduct landed on me.”[i]

If you’re a parent, grandparent, or sibling of a child who watches (or watched) pornography, you’re likely hurt, sad, and/or mad. You may experience shame and guilt as well. That’s understandable.

Ripple effects of youth who watch pornography extend to those close by.

February 28, 2022October 16, 2023

Four Steps for Parents to Heal from Shame

Our children feel shame when they watch pornography. But do we, as parents, experience shame? I certainly did.

My friend and I sat at my kitchen table drinking coffee.

She took a sip of her coffee and set her cup on the table. “Your children are amazing. You’ve done such a great job raising them.”

Our children were in the backyard hanging out. This fellow homeschool mom and I were close. Shortly after meeting, we quickly knew about each other’s extended family and history. Whenever we got together, the conversation flowed freely from one topic to another without pause. We laughed together and felt each other’s pain when issues surfaced. I was comfortable when I was around her. But I kept a part of my life hidden.

July 27, 2021July 24, 2021

IDENTIFY THE ROOT ISSUES OF PORN USE

I met Krista when we were both speakers at an online conference for thehopeline last Spring. When I saw her session, I felt the compassion she has for teen girls. She listens to them, equips them, and offers them hope through Girl Above. I asked her to talk with the parents here, and I love how she especially encourages us to look beyond the behavior and identify the root issues of porn use.

If you are a parent in 2021 and have a child over the age of 8 years old, there is a huge chance you are struggling to navigate your child’s exposure to or use of pornography. This does not make you a bad parent; this makes you a 2021 parent. Unfortunately, for the first time in the history of the world, our children carry a free and unlimited drug in their pocket. This drug is internet pornography, and their access to smartphones has made the problem nearly impossible to address. In 2019 there were over 33 trillion views on porn sites. The train has left the station, and parents are now just trying to keep up.

After ten years of working with teens, my best advice for parents is to look WAY beyond the behavior and identify the root issues motivating the behavior. Once you have identified the root causes, become someone with whom your child can have in-depth conversations to address and heal those areas of their life.

January 9, 2020October 1, 2020

The Definition of Pornography or Porn

What is porn? How do you define it? It’s not as clear-cut as you think. What was a known pornographic photo in 1960 is an average marketing image today. When I walk through the mall I’m liable to see photographs similar to those previously seen only in magazines under a bathroom sink. And I don’t even have to go into the store to see them. I am hassled by the retailer through pictures as I walk by the storefront.

January 12, 2019August 11, 2020

What’s A Parent To Do?

I just spoke with the wife of a porn addict. The writing is on the wall. The last chance was the last of the last chances. She can’t take it anymore. The marriage is over. She is sick of the empty promises and lack of desire to choose her over his addiction. She’s exhausted, worn out, done. She’s told him he has a week to get out. Continue reading “What’s A Parent To Do?”

October 25, 2018December 29, 2023

Triggers

I felt my back pocket. It wasn’t there.

I looked in my purse. It wasn’t there.

I looked in the console of the van. It wasn’t there either.

I had left my phone at home. Ugh! My heart raced a little at the thought. Continue reading “Triggers”

September 29, 2018March 13, 2024

Are Our Children Victims?

Our home is a Christian home. We try to adhere to Christian principles. We teach our children right and wrong behavior. We openly tell them not to look at inappropriate photos or videos online.

For example, when I found out one of our older son’s peers had been caught sexting, I flipped out. I sat my older children down and made sure they understood that type of behavior would not be tolerated. They assured me they wouldn’t be involved in anything of the kind. And I believed them. I trusted them. (Although, I’m sure the fact that I was alarmed did not help them see me as someone they could trust.)

September 10, 2018September 19, 2020

11 Things To Do When You Discover Your Child is Watching Pornography

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

The purpose of this site is to encourage parents of teenagers/children who watch or have watched pornography. It’s meant to be a safe place to share our emotions and concerns, not necessarily a place to give specific instruction on what to do. I am not an expert on the ins and outs of the pornography industry and how people become addicted to it. However, after walking through it with my son I would like to offer a list of 11 action steps in the hopes I can calm some fears. Sometimes, in the midst of a traumatic experience, it’s helpful to do something. Continue reading “11 Things To Do When You Discover Your Child is Watching Pornography”

August 27, 2018August 25, 2018

Parenting: Umbilical Cord to Invisible Rope to Freedom, It’s Hard Work

When a baby is born, the doctor cuts the umbilical cord. From that moment on the child is unattached to his parent. He/she is free, so to speak. Most parents immediately attach an imaginary rope from themselves to the child. Continue reading “Parenting: Umbilical Cord to Invisible Rope to Freedom, It’s Hard Work”

August 20, 2018May 25, 2020

Betrayal and Lying: As Hurtful As Watching Porn

photo of woman feeling effects of betrayal and lying — Photo Credit: Pixabay

When my teenage son first disclosed he was watching pornography, I was shocked–partly because he was my “good” child. Of my four children, he was the only one who had not lied to me or deceived me (so I thought). Continue reading “Betrayal and Lying: As Hurtful As Watching Porn”