supporting parents in an online world
In October I spoke at the SHE Recovery Virtual Summit, an online conference for females who have struggled with pornography. During the summit, I ran a poll asking attendees this question:
Girls, what’s the biggest fear that keeps you (or kept you) from telling your parents about your pornography problem?
Continue reading “3 Reasons Children Fear Talking to Parents About Porn”
Kristen Miele of Sex Ed Reclaimed is with us to talk about sexting. I met Kristen when she and I were each presenting at the SHE Recovery Summit. Her topic was sexting, and I quickly asked her to share her expertise at Hopeful Mom. I’m so grateful she agreed.
Sending nudes. Sharing pics. Snapu puas (sending nudes, the words upside down and backwards!). Texxxting. ‘You up?.’
Slang and teenagers go together like pumpkins and pie. There are many terms for sexting: sending explicit photos over the phone, in messages, and online. As adults, we’ll never understand all of the current slang. We actually don’t need to. However, what we do need to know is how to help our children prevent and heal from the epidemic of sexting.
Continue reading “Sexting: Helping Our Children Heal From This Epidemic”
I’m excited to have Kristin Cary here with us. Kristin is the co-founder of Living Truth, Inc. and she has a message for us on understanding how a parent’s pornography use can impact a child. Kristin and her husband, Michael, have a gift for you—two free guides. See the end of the post for details.
Hi I’m Kristin! I was in full-time ministry when my first marriage ended due to infidelity and sex addiction in 2006. My son was just 10 months old at the time. It felt like the pain would destroy me. Little was understood about sex addiction and betrayal trauma at the time, and I endured a lot of misunderstanding, shame, and blame. I was a single mother for almost five years, working really hard at my recovery during that time. An amazing Christian therapist and a recovery community that had walked similar paths before me were key elements in breathing hope and joy into my life again.
Continue reading “The Impact of a Parent’s Pornography Use on Children”
I’m thrilled to introduce guest author, Dawn Ward. I met Dawn through a friend. Her website, The Faith to Flourish, is for women with loved ones struggling with addiction, mental health issues and life-destructive behaviors. As a seasoned parent, Dawn has wisdom for us about talking with our teens and adult children.
It’s difficult to talk to our children when the topics of our conversations make one or both parties squirm. I should know. I have raised two sons who struggled with addiction and destructive behaviors when they were teens and young adults. When they were kids, I could get by with a quick, “Because I said so” as an answer to their requests. Once those words came out of my mouth, they knew the discussion was over. End of argument.
Continue reading “10 Tips to Difficult Conversations with Teens and Adult Children”
I am beyond excited that Marilyn Evans of Parents Aware is here again to offer her words of wisdom to parents. Marilyn is my good friend and mentor. She has taught me so much about pornography and parenting. I love her hopeful attitude. Marilyn recently launched a course for parents, to help them get off the fence and talk with their children about this important topic. Read to the end for my review of the course and how you can find it.
You’re here. That’s amazing! It tells me you already know why it’s important to talk to your child about pornography. I bet you’re also keenly aware this conversation is not a one-time deal. You’ve figured out that every age and stage of development presents new challenges for your child online.
Continue reading “Get Off the Fence: Three Ways to Get Unstuck”
I recently finished reading The Freedom Fight and was impressed with how the author, Ted Shimer, addresses pornography addiction. The Freedom Fight has developed a thorough program for addressing the issue. I highly recommend reading the extensive book and perusing their website. I was so excited that Andrew, Director of Coaching and Onboarding, agreed to write a post for Difficult Conversations. But I was ecstatic when he offered to also give a book to one of our readers. Be sure to read to the end of the post to find out how you can enter the drawing to win a book.
When speaking with parents, there are two groups I interact with most: parents who have caught their kids watching porn and parents who don’t know their kids are secretly watching it. In today’s world, it is easier for an eleven-year-old with a smartphone to access porn lying in bed than to get a glass of water because getting a glass of water requires them to get out of bed. The reality is porn is pervasive, destructive, and addictive. We, as parents, need to be intentional about having ongoing conversations because if we don’t, the world is happy to fill in the blanks for our kid’s questions.
Continue reading “GIVEAWAY! + 5 Keys to Parenting in a Pornified World”
I grew up thinking people who watched pornography were shady characters. They were the ones slipping in the back door of the video store—the creepy people who couldn’t control their urges. I’m not sure where these thoughts came from, but I’m not alone. The culture is changing, but until a few years ago this picture was a good representation of how most of society saw the use of pornography, especially those who watched alone.
This stigma contributes to our regretful feedback as parents when we learn of our child’s relationship with pornography.
Continue reading “Responding to Porn Use: Love, Not Shame”
It’s my privilege to introduce Anne Kerr as a guest here at Difficult Conversations. Anne has years of experience helping parents talk about sexuality with their children. I love her matter-of-fact attitude and specific tips for parents on how to communicate with your children. Her wisdom is invaluable.
You Have a Superpower. It’s your story. Here’s why your kids need to hear it.
You Have a Superpower. It's your story. And your kids need to hear it. #superpower #yourstory Share on XIn your growing-up years did you experience things related to sexuality that were embarrassing, or hurtful, or even destructive? What about a sexual encounter that left you curious, or aroused, or perhaps wanting more?
Continue reading “You Have a Superpower: Your Story”
When my son was sixteen, he came to a crossroads in his life. His belief system surrounding pornography did not line up with his behavior, and he had to decide once and for all how to resolve this dilemma.
He wouldn’t have reached this point if he hadn’t realized there was a problem. That comprehension came through communication and education, sprinkled with lots of love from us, his parents . . . as well as patience.
Continue reading “Communication Tips”
I met Krista when we were both speakers at an online conference for thehopeline last Spring. When I saw her session, I felt the compassion she has for teen girls. She listens to them, equips them, and offers them hope through Girl Above. I asked her to talk with the parents here, and I love how she especially encourages us to look beyond the behavior and identify the root issues of porn use.
If you are a parent in 2021 and have a child over the age of 8 years old, there is a huge chance you are struggling to navigate your child’s exposure to or use of pornography. This does not make you a bad parent; this makes you a 2021 parent. Unfortunately, for the first time in the history of the world, our children carry a free and unlimited drug in their pocket. This drug is internet pornography, and their access to smartphones has made the problem nearly impossible to address. In 2019 there were over 33 trillion views on porn sites. The train has left the station, and parents are now just trying to keep up.
After ten years of working with teens, my best advice for parents is to look WAY beyond the behavior and identify the root issues motivating the behavior. Once you have identified the root causes, become someone with whom your child can have in-depth conversations to address and heal those areas of their life.
Continue reading “IDENTIFY THE ROOT ISSUES OF PORN USE”