Sexting: Helping Our Children Heal From This Epidemic

Kristen Miele of Sex Ed Reclaimed is with us to talk about sexting. I met Kristen when she and I were each presenting at the SHE Recovery Summit. Her topic was sexting, and I quickly asked her to share her expertise at Hopeful Mom. I’m so grateful she agreed.

Sending nudes. Sharing pics. Snapu puas (sending nudes, the words upside down and backwards!). Texxxting. ‘You up?.’

Slang and teenagers go together like pumpkins and pie. There are many terms for sexting: sending explicit photos over the phone, in messages, and online. As adults, we’ll never understand all of the current slang. We actually don’t need to. However, what we do need to know is how to help our children prevent and heal from the epidemic of sexting.

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Understanding Teens: It’s Not Rocket Science, It’s Brain Science

rocket and brain science

Have you ever wondered why your child makes irrational or illogical decisions? No matter how many times you’ve explained the consequences of a negative choice, your words appear to go in one ear and out the other. When a peer suggests they ride bikes in a construction zone, stay up late playing online games, or look at pornographic videos, their sense of reasoning disappears. Part of the answer has to do with brain science.

When my son felt a compulsion to watch pornography (was, in fact, addicted), I didn’t understand the pull. If he comprehended the dangers, why did he go back to it over and over? It was only after I researched the addictive nature of pornography and the brain science behind addictions that I caught a glimpse of his dilemma.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand brain science.

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Communication Tips

When my son was sixteen, he came to a crossroads in his life. His belief system surrounding pornography did not line up with his behavior, and he had to decide once and for all how to resolve this dilemma.

He wouldn’t have reached this point if he hadn’t realized there was a problem. That comprehension came through communication and education, sprinkled with lots of love from us, his parents . . . as well as patience.

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Explaining God’s Design for Sex to Children & Teens

It’s my privilege to introduce John Fort, my guest blogger. I met John at a Safeguard Alliance meeting and love his message and his heart. I read his book Honest Talk: A New Perspective on Talking to Your Kids About Sex and was challenged to have more direct, specific conversations with my children especially regarding God’s design for sex. The feelings charts, conversation guides, and activities in the book are extremely helpful. I love his direct approach and think you will find this post a great resource.

Explaining God’s design for sex to our children can be a scary proposition. Few of us feel confident with the subject, and many fear it may strain our relationship with our child. However, when done with empathy, these conversations usually draw our kids closer to us.

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A Safe Rebellion

computer keyboard

I’m excited to introduce Christy Bass Adams. We met recently at a writers conference. When I told her I was writing a book for parents of children struggling with pornography, she said, “I was that kid.” I immediately knew I wanted her to guest post here for us. Even though Christy grew up in a different era, I believe hearing the thoughts and trials of the addicted child is helpful. Christy says her addiction was a safe rebellion. I hope her insight gives us some perspective from the other side so we can be better parents. And, mostly, I hope her recovery as an adult reminds us our children’s stories are not over. They can still heal, even if it’s not in our timing. ~ Barb

A Safe Rebellion

I was 12 years old when I first viewed pornography at a friend’s house. The curiosity only grew from there. A child of the 80’s and 90’s, the internet wasn’t really a thing yet, so late night cable programming, printed material, and email spam were the easy avenues to seek it out. Thankfully I lived in a safe home where my parents monitored TV programming and everything else we did. So it remained only a curiosity for a long time.

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Are Our Children Victims?

Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash

Our home is a Christian home. We try to adhere to Christian principles. We teach our children right and wrong behavior. We openly tell them not to look at inappropriate photos or videos online.

For example, when I found out one of our older son’s peers had been caught sexting, I flipped out. I sat my older children down and made sure they understood that type of behavior would not be tolerated. They assured me they wouldn’t be involved in anything of the kind. And I believed them. I trusted them. (Although, I’m sure the fact that I was alarmed did not help them see me as someone they could trust.)

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Parenting Is A Big Deal

Photo Credit: Pixabay, slightly altered

Parenting is a big deal. I mean a BIG DEAL! I cannot boast about always handling this role well. I didn’t want to be a parent to begin with. But I am so grateful to be a mom, and I take it seriously. I try to learn from my mistakes, and I think I have grown (dare I say matured) into the position.

My son that deals with porn addiction is not my oldest child; so, while I would say the day he confessed to watching porn is the worst parent-day of my life, I am grateful that before that day I had a few not-so-pleasant mom-moments under my belt. Otherwise I may not have handled the situation as gracefully as I did. Continue reading “Parenting Is A Big Deal”