When Life Disrupts: How Families Learn to Adapt and Heal

Only 1 in 7 married parents meet the criteria for resilience.

When an email about a 2024 study conducted by Barna[i] landed in my inbox a few weeks ago, I was intrigued. And encouraged. Resilience can be measured. It can also be learned. Good news for parents, especially those of us dealing with a child’s unhealthy behavior.

What is resilience? “The process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”[ii]

Flexibility. Adjustment. Adapting. Bouncebackability. All qualities of resiliency.

How easily do you adapt when faced with a challenge or unexpected situation? Maybe your day is planned and your boss hands you a task which needs completed immediately. Do you switch gears quickly and cheerfully? Or does it take a few minutes to adjust to your newly appointed chore?

When working under a rigid bell schedule at schools, my co-workers and I must be flexible. Each class is unique. And when the unexpected occurs, like a fire alarm, we must quickly modify our teaching.

Let’s expand this thinking to parenting. When our children are emotionally unraveling, need something immediately, or disagree with us, how do we respond? Are we able to deescalate the situation? As a family, are we able to adapt to a difficult situation and recover from the consequences?

Resilience is more than adapting on the fly, though. Illnesses, accidents, changes in family dynamics, and life circumstances disrupt our physical, emotional, and mental rhythms. We aren’t expected to readily accept each unforeseen situation, but we can steadily redirect our energy and resources in our new life direction. For example, when each of my now-adult children left our home (or in one instance, we moved away and left him behind), I was forced to walk through the grieving process. I learned to accept my new routine and home balance. This process took time and intention.

Indicators of Families Who Adapt

In their survey of married parents, Barna measured family resilience based on these four markers:

• “Shared values and beliefs that guide family life
• Open and healthy communication between spouses
• A deep emotional connection within the marriage
• Active engagement in community or faith-based practices beyond the household”[iii]

Families with all four were labeled “resilient.” Fourteen percent of families surveyed were resilient. Thirty-six percent had zero or one marker and were deemed “fragile.”

Only 1 in 7 married parents meet the criteria for resilience. What is resilience and what are the criteria for being a resilient family? Barb Winters answers these questions in this post: When Life Disrupts: How Families Learn to… Share on X

Resilient Family Behaviors

The Barna survey found these three practices present in resilient families.

1. Resilient Families Practice Repair, Not Avoidance

While fragile families tend to avoid conflict or respond with sarcasm, withdrawal, or silence, married parents in families who adapt well address the strain in relationships. They take responsibility for their actions and attempt to repair relational tension. They’ve learned to take accountability, apologize, and offer forgiveness. This leads to humility, emotional safety, and restored trust.

When my son was working through his pornography struggles, he took responsibility for his actions, sought forgiveness, and walked through the steps necessary to repair relationships. He had learned these practices from his dad and me. We had modeled these character traits his whole life.

• Resilient Families Seek Support After Hardship

All families experience hardship. It’s the actions they take during and after that distinguish a resilient family from others. Married parents in resilient families are more likely to notice and name the difficult experience and seek support from those they trust, counselors, or faith-based communities.

• Resilient Families Engage Beyond the Household

Connecting with others outside the immediate household supplies structure and stability during times of strain. Volunteering, participating in community groups, and engaging in shared spiritual rhythms provide a sense of purpose and belonging.  

Application

In summary, “families that are quick to apologize to each other, that ask for help from others, and that engage with community life are most likely to be resilient.”[iv] At times, success is gauged by the presence or absence of problems. However, we can’t expect to live without disagreements or difficulties. Thankfully, we can choose to learn how to respond to differences and disputes in a manner that strengthens relationships and imparts resiliency. That gives me hope.

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[i] https://www.barna.com/trends/resilient-families/

[ii] https://dictionary.apa.org/resilience

[iii] https://www.barna.com/trends/resilient-families/

[iv] Feb 27, 2026 email from The Culture Translator