Since discovering my son’s addiction I have wrestled with the question of whether to get involved with the fight against pornography. Or rather, what my response should be to this growing epidemic. There is an X-rated store (Is that what you call it?) three miles from our home. (How these places stay in business with all the online stuff is beyond me.) Every time I pass it, my blood pressure rises, and I pray it will go out of business. Well, on good days, I pray it will go out of business. On bad days, my prayer isn’t that pretty.
A Quiet Period
When we first learned of my son’s addiction I was so hurt and damaged from the initial trauma of it all I couldn’t speak to anyone beyond my short list of confidantes–and the above prayer for the business down the street was the extent of my response outside my own four walls. But I believe that’s perfectly acceptable. How could I possibly communicate with others in a concise, controlled, coherent manner while still bleeding from an open wound? There is a time to pull back and heal before going into battle. The health and well-being of me and household takes precedence.
Respectful
Once healing began, I was concerned for my son and his reputation. I didn’t (still don’t) want other parents or his friends to look at him differently. Therefore, I did not speak openly about all I had experienced and learned. And, as my son matures into a man, I believe I should continue to respect his privacy when it comes to telling his story. So, my direct involvement will be correlated to his desire to be involved/known.
A Small Step
One thought that kept nagging me was that other moms and dads needed encouragement. They needed to know they were not alone. That’s why I recently started this site. For now, that’s my “involvement” in this escalating, out of control, crazy issue. My mission is to tell you even though it feels like the floor has crumbled beneath your feet, you can come out the other side. There is hope. You can stand on solid ground again. And while I am encouraging as many parents as I can, I am silently cheering for those that are out-spoken and for the organizations rising up to counter the pornography industry.
The Next Generation
I recently read on Fight the New Drug‘s website about some college guys fighting to get a filter added to their college campuses’ Wi-Fi to block pornographic sites. I say, Hear! Hear! I believe the up and coming generation will be the ones to end this madness. The ones that have been affected the most and used pornography the most will be the ones to look around and say, “This has to stop!” I am praying that my son and others like him will one day stand up and say, “This is what porn has done to us and is doing to society, and it can’t continue.” I believe the public will take note and listen to the younger generation. They will make an impact. And if my son decides to publicly stand against pornography some day, I will proudly stand next to him.
Where Do You Stand?
But this isn’t really about me specifically. It’s about all of us trying to navigate these waters because we were thrown into them without consent or desire. I have felt guilty for not doing more, so I wonder if you feel that way, too.
I don’t believe we are all called to yell loudly about this issue. I believe there is a time to take a loud stance and a time to quietly stand by. There is no shame in either position.
I am becoming a little more bold within my friend circle, encouraging them to add filters to their devices and reminding them of the staggering statistics, without mentioning our family’s issues. I promote organizations that help rescue women caught in the sex trade and periodically re-post an article related to how widespread pornography is.
I hope you feel comfortable to be as involved as you feel led.
What steps, if any, are you taking to counter the pornography issue? What would you like to be doing?
I want to thank those that have taken the time to contact me. While I wish we had met under better circumstances, I am grateful for you and your willingness to have difficult conversations about this difficult topic.Are there specific issues you would like me to address? What problems or circumstances are you encountering with your child? Please contact me or post a comment. I would love to hear from you. Subscribe to receive notices about new posts, and, if you are willing, share this site with others via social media or email. Thank you.
About the author
For more about Barb, visit the About page. For information on Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, visit the Book page.